I feel fat

I feel fat in my head. Instead of fat, I have so many things in it that make me move slow. Usually, I think fast and I am one or two steps ahead on the path to the final thought. I can switch my brain from one conversation to another quickly without losing the flow on either. But I guess there is a point where enough is enough. It gets to a point where I start having headaches, must continue to keep 3-4 conversations in the same time and put full attention to each, hear how someone is not happy because small details might be missing from the big picture in that conversation, notice how none cares that I am dealing in the same time with 3 different issues, in some cases asked to constantly translate meaningless talk, trying to find a second to think about my own issues ...and then.. I raise my voice. All goes down in trash... everything is forgotten and I am called "screamer". Everything I did so far is lost and now everyone begins to tell me how little tolerant I am, how quickly I get angry and how I scream for everything.


I am raised with the strong order that "Dirty clothes are washed in house". Until late, I didn't know that you can actually complain about family to others. But now I am way past that. I know I can complain and I know that I can find a lot others that are in the same situation like me. I can find people that can actually give me tips on what to do, because they have experience in these things. So, against what I am raised like, I am now complaining. Is it right? Do I even care if it is wrong? Am I like a teenager that feels like parents do not understand her/him so must call a tele-line where someone that is paid to stay behind a phone, listens to them and gives them reasons to live another day with the hope that things will get better. Is just that in my case, I get my friend to listen on the other side of the phone and she does not get paid for that. So, I am creating the snow-ball effect here. Someone gets me to a point where I can't handle it any longer, and then I get my friend to a point where she can't hear me any longer. She probably talks to another friend on how much I complain...and so the World is miserable.
Noooo....this is not what I want to do to the World. I want it to be a nice place, a happy place. I want back my skinny brain. I don't want to have a fat brain that absorbs, thinks, listens, hurts and then when can't move to bathroom, poops right there, right where is sitting and will stay. I don't want my brain to keep getting fat and stay in the same shit that comes out of all this fat.

So the options should be
1- I ignore everyone around me that drives me nuts and maybe they will distance from me
2- If I feel like screaming, I should put on my running shoes and go out
3- Don't care so much that everyone around me is happy and comfortable. Let them be as they deserve to be
4- Accept that it is hard to teach new tricks to an old dog

And maybe like this, I will lose brain fat!

Will I? Can I ? Should I? Will I hurt someone?

See... I can't move quickly...too fa-aaaa-aaaa-aaaa-at

Time to dump my brain

Long time... so many things to say ... so many things done..so many things to forget...so many things to hold onto....so many things looking forward to.... do many things comming my way that I wish I could change their path ... one picture that has taken my breath away for a second or two...



I have been worried, I have been sad, I have been lazy, I have worked hard and sweat, I cried once and I have laughed more than once. I have felt a victim and then I have felt lucky. In short, I have lived my life. The song I have in mind tonight is



Things I have learned:
Family is there to push you. Sometimes in the direction you want to go, sometimes against you. At the end, family will continue to be family, doesn't matter what direction you take.
Friends are required. Good friends are mandatory. It doesn't matter that they might leave to follow their path. All the time and mental work that you invest on a good friend, it is worth it. But it is very important to make sure you pick a good friend to invest to.
Money comes and goes. You can feel like you touched the bottom and then you can breathe again and enjoy the spring while listening a good song. System is there to get money from you and you are there to go against the system, as much as you can.
Health is important and takes priority when is not good. Doctors today can make an old woman feel like a young bride, unless there is something they haven't found the cure for. I respect the medical technology, but I see with sadness that nurses have become robots and compassion is long gone.
We are surrounded by people that feel about us in ways we do not know, feelings and opinions we are not aware off and sometimes we can assume wrong.
A child's education is not a part time job. It must be everyday, with the same intensity or their brain will start "drinking" the wrong juice
Time never stops
Love has so many shapes and forms and I want them all
I wish I could understand more languages

And after all these, now that I am smarter (yeah right!!), I want to live more but I am not scared to stop here.

"Non sempre chi si ferma è perduto: alle volte è semplicemente arrivato.
- Alessandro Bergonzoni"

Good luck and Good night!