I feel fat

I feel fat in my head. Instead of fat, I have so many things in it that make me move slow. Usually, I think fast and I am one or two steps ahead on the path to the final thought. I can switch my brain from one conversation to another quickly without losing the flow on either. But I guess there is a point where enough is enough. It gets to a point where I start having headaches, must continue to keep 3-4 conversations in the same time and put full attention to each, hear how someone is not happy because small details might be missing from the big picture in that conversation, notice how none cares that I am dealing in the same time with 3 different issues, in some cases asked to constantly translate meaningless talk, trying to find a second to think about my own issues ...and then.. I raise my voice. All goes down in trash... everything is forgotten and I am called "screamer". Everything I did so far is lost and now everyone begins to tell me how little tolerant I am, how quickly I get angry and how I scream for everything.


I am raised with the strong order that "Dirty clothes are washed in house". Until late, I didn't know that you can actually complain about family to others. But now I am way past that. I know I can complain and I know that I can find a lot others that are in the same situation like me. I can find people that can actually give me tips on what to do, because they have experience in these things. So, against what I am raised like, I am now complaining. Is it right? Do I even care if it is wrong? Am I like a teenager that feels like parents do not understand her/him so must call a tele-line where someone that is paid to stay behind a phone, listens to them and gives them reasons to live another day with the hope that things will get better. Is just that in my case, I get my friend to listen on the other side of the phone and she does not get paid for that. So, I am creating the snow-ball effect here. Someone gets me to a point where I can't handle it any longer, and then I get my friend to a point where she can't hear me any longer. She probably talks to another friend on how much I complain...and so the World is miserable.
Noooo....this is not what I want to do to the World. I want it to be a nice place, a happy place. I want back my skinny brain. I don't want to have a fat brain that absorbs, thinks, listens, hurts and then when can't move to bathroom, poops right there, right where is sitting and will stay. I don't want my brain to keep getting fat and stay in the same shit that comes out of all this fat.

So the options should be
1- I ignore everyone around me that drives me nuts and maybe they will distance from me
2- If I feel like screaming, I should put on my running shoes and go out
3- Don't care so much that everyone around me is happy and comfortable. Let them be as they deserve to be
4- Accept that it is hard to teach new tricks to an old dog

And maybe like this, I will lose brain fat!

Will I? Can I ? Should I? Will I hurt someone?

See... I can't move quickly...too fa-aaaa-aaaa-aaaa-at