It is strange to feel single again. People are asking me if the house feels empty now but really, I am not staying much home.
I woke up at 11:30 on Sunday morning and it felt like I had a good rest, eventhough was hot. I am not wasting time with unfruitful conversations with my neighbours while we keep an eye at the kids that play outside on the street. I am not in rush to get back home in order to catch the swimming class, I am not in rush to prepare the dinner so the kid can go sleep early and I feel stressless. Haven't felt stressless in a long time.
There are places i like to hang out with friends, there are things i like to explore after work and now i can do it. I wish I could meet with some friends that i usually do not have time to catch up, but it feels complicated.
Am i a good mother and wife for feeling good when my family is away?
I know this doesn't make me a bad women but is the women inside me that is trying to take me to primal feelings and limit my freedom to enjoy the time i have for me. Now most of the times, philosophers rely to these primal instincts and feelings to make us understand what goes on now with us. For example, if we eat only 3 times a day, the body will think that something is going on and needs to reserve fat for the bad days that are coming. Now, if i think this makes sense, maybe the primal instinct i am feeling now is also right.
But when do we stop looking back to cave people in order to find out what will happen with our brain tomorrow? Where are all these brave, strong women that have been teaching me since the last century that we should not be just wives and mothers, we should be more than that..and in order to be more than that, we should able to explore the world around us with our own eyes and we should have time to evolve personally. So right now, inside me, the primal women is fighting with Marie Curie, Amelia Earhart, Frida Kahlo, Condolezza Rice...Looking from the sides of the balance, I find it more compelling to trust the other women and forget about Ardi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ardi).
I know that most of the times i am my self's worst enemy. My train of thoughts takes me to places i don't want to go and don't want to believe. But I have to get up and take the sword of Jean D'arc and be strong.
Ok, going out with my girls now for a drink ..no blame at all!
No comments:
Post a Comment