Time to dump my brain

Long time... so many things to say ... so many things done..so many things to forget...so many things to hold onto....so many things looking forward to.... do many things comming my way that I wish I could change their path ... one picture that has taken my breath away for a second or two...



I have been worried, I have been sad, I have been lazy, I have worked hard and sweat, I cried once and I have laughed more than once. I have felt a victim and then I have felt lucky. In short, I have lived my life. The song I have in mind tonight is



Things I have learned:
Family is there to push you. Sometimes in the direction you want to go, sometimes against you. At the end, family will continue to be family, doesn't matter what direction you take.
Friends are required. Good friends are mandatory. It doesn't matter that they might leave to follow their path. All the time and mental work that you invest on a good friend, it is worth it. But it is very important to make sure you pick a good friend to invest to.
Money comes and goes. You can feel like you touched the bottom and then you can breathe again and enjoy the spring while listening a good song. System is there to get money from you and you are there to go against the system, as much as you can.
Health is important and takes priority when is not good. Doctors today can make an old woman feel like a young bride, unless there is something they haven't found the cure for. I respect the medical technology, but I see with sadness that nurses have become robots and compassion is long gone.
We are surrounded by people that feel about us in ways we do not know, feelings and opinions we are not aware off and sometimes we can assume wrong.
A child's education is not a part time job. It must be everyday, with the same intensity or their brain will start "drinking" the wrong juice
Time never stops
Love has so many shapes and forms and I want them all
I wish I could understand more languages

And after all these, now that I am smarter (yeah right!!), I want to live more but I am not scared to stop here.

"Non sempre chi si ferma è perduto: alle volte è semplicemente arrivato.
- Alessandro Bergonzoni"

Good luck and Good night!

Should I ?

Since the begining of November, I have my parents staying with us, in our house. I am thinking to keep them around me,take care and keep an eye on them now that life is getting challenging for them. On the other side, they are getting to spend some time with their grand-daughter. Not that my daughter is attached to them but they bring a different feeling to her, the sense of grand-parents, someone not too young to run around, not too up to speed with technology and internet, not too fast to learn new things but they love her and they offer a warm, soft and tender ambient in the house for her.
So far it is sort of working becasue everyone was prepared to live together and tolerate each-other. My parents are learning how do you live in a canadian house. My daughter is learning to accept more people around. My husband is learning to share me with them.
I am learning to breathe deeper and become more patient.
What I have noticed is that my parents have lived a very simple life...all their life. It is simple in the way they dress up, the way they cook, the way they spend, the way they communicate, the way they take a news...it is simple and plain in all directions.
Not that I have a complicated, complex and extremly busy life, but I try to take as much as I can from every day of my life. When I compare myself with them, I feel pity for my parents.
I feel pity because they do not know how many kind of kitchens are out there, how many ways to cook a chicken, how many tastes you can get from a baking dish comming out of the oven, how many spices you can use with ground beef, how many drinks and mixes can be made, how many kind of nuts are there to use.
I feel pity becasue they do not understand English, becasue was not allowed to be taught when they were young, becasue they are not able to communicate with my daughter and then they get into missunderstandings, becasue they can't watch TV shows that need a more complex vocabulary than what you need to understand a soccer game, becasue they are not able to make friends with people of their age that hang around the park where they go for a walk every day
I feel pity becasue they never had a car and they do not know how to drive one, they are dependend on us to take them to places where they can go and enjoy while we are busy working to pay bills.
I feel pity when I see how a new piece of clothe is taken care of, how nothing gets thrown away, how old things get mendet before the consideration to buy a new one is on table.
I feel pity because there are so many things in the life that they do not even know they exist, they do not even imagine they can touch them, they do not even think they can get there.

Some people say that you are happy until you know that there is something more or better than what you have. Some people say that we all live in boxes and if we find out that the life outside our box is more exciting, we will not be happy and will make our box look miserable.
Should I keep my parents in the box they are? Should I keep them thinking that what they live is all life can offer? Should I go through the trouble to teach my parents internet, facebook, English, driving, cooking differently? Should I .... ?
















Maybe I will make them feel miserable about what they have lived until now, maybe I will make them feel pity of their lives, maybe I will take away from them the joy they feel when I make something for them. Maybe, trying to make their lives more meaningful, colorful, busy and upgraded, I will bring sorrow and pain to them.

What should I do?

From In to Out

Someone told me that I am sexy. I like to hear that while I get older but I know it is not true :)
If I walk on the street and hunky-hunky guy is walking in front of me, I don't believe he will look at me and think "She is so sexy!". I think he will look at me and I will be easy for his eyes, nothing that he hasn't seen before or that he will not see in a short future.
If someone gets to know me, and likes me for how I am, they also start believing that I am sexy and pretty. It is the same me but now this someone knows my voice, my laugh and a bit of my sense of humor.
I really believe that sexy is not on the body shape, is all in attitude and personality. The girls that look sexy, are good to show off their attitude and personality on the way they carry on, on the way they look at the others. A shy person doesn't look sexy under a lot of attention. A person that is always on the center of attention about the looks, doesn't look sexy on a math competition. We all look sexy when we are in our zen, when everything around is what we need to feel comfortable, easy, strong, winner.
So now I know, if I am walking on the street and a hunky is walking in front of me, all I have to do to get his attention is to bring out some attitude and "You can't get me" look...and he will look at me ! Sexy attitude and personality is sexy even when age is not. Yes, young girls are pretty and fresh and smooth skin, but they have long way to go to have personality. At the end, looks like we all have something to feel good about and use on our advantage.

Smell the Fall?

Do you smell the Fall around us? This morning, I woke up and from the barely open window I smelled that cold, fresh, earthy, sweet, crisp, colored in orange, sleep-inviting and love-to-cuddle-under-blanket smell of Autumn. I didn't want to move from bed, just close eyes, pull up the blanket to my nose and pretend I was still sleeping, smelling Fall. Ahhhhh...October is almost here and that is the best month to sleep...did I mentioned I LOVE to sleep?

How to make sleep inviting? A bit of cold, clean sheets with a soft smell of fresh laundry, a pillow that has still room to squish under your head, warm up your cold feet by touching someone with warm flesh beside you, Fall smell and something good to think about inside your head.

When I think of Fall, is all orange and dark redish colored, cooking with pumpkins, smell like cinnamon, dressed up with jackets and driving with the heater turned a bit up, eat chestnuts while watching chick flick movies that make my cry.

Fall begins with my nephew's birthday, then my father, then my daughter, then my wedding anniversary, then 80% of my friends birthdays, then Halloween, then my birthday, then a whole bunch of my cousins birthdays, the Thanksgiving somewhere in between. All this before the horrible mess of Christmass begins is like the calm before the storm. Did I mentioned that Thanksgiving is the only North American holiday that makes sense to me and I actually like to celebrate?

December makes me depressed. If I will ever kill myself, it will be in December. Until then, please let me enjoy the Fall with all it brings to me! Smell deep and Happy Fall!

Master Card Moment

Last week I had a huge Master Card moment.

Airplane ticket =$400 + a lot of aeroplan points
New Dress = $100
New shoes= $80
Being at my cousin's wedding= Priceless

Here I found a funny version of a banned MasterCard advertisment.

But to go back to my moment, I took a last minute decision to go back home and be there on my cousin's wedding. A 4 stops flight with an overnight stop on return.
Almost everyone was there. I hadn't seen some of them in 9 years and was nice to meet again, especially on a wedding where everyone is happy. My cousin, the bride, was really pretty and looked like a princess. Facebook is full of wedding pictures where you can see everyone with hands up on the dance floor, smiling, laughing and laughing a lot to the point that you can count their teeth. Was good to have my brother there as well and make fun with his dance moves. The only one I can't make fun is my dad, he is the best dancer ever, to the point that makes everyone gealous!

At the end, I did spend a lot, I was away from my hubby and kid for a while but it was worth it. If you think about it, life is not just to work, pay bills and do all the chores that we should do. I will forget all the bills I have payed, I will re-do all the chores over and over again, I will go to work again and deal with all the stress there. But there are days like that wedding, that will stay on my memory and heart for a long time, untill my memory will not fail me.

Being around home, had a quick chance to meet a couple of friends too. That was another Mastercard moment, lots of good times and laughes over some good food and wine. Easy talk, smooth and no need to pretend.... that is the feeling of being with old friends.

Had a chance to confirm that for my parents I will always be a kid, no matter how many gray hair I have. Had a chance to confirm that my nephews still recongnize me as their aunt. Had a chance to see my brother one year older than last year. My sister in law feeling good around me and getting closer together.

All in all, last week I was happy. And I do not usually believe in associating the word happy to period's of time longer than hours.

A story from a dead artist

This one is written by Adhurim Lako. He was a writer that didn't want to publish his writings. All his life he has done translations, and those are the only writings he has ever agreed to publish. He passed away on 2006 and some of his friends have collected his stories and have printed a book. To respect his will, they will not publish it. The book will be handed to some of his close friends and they will pass it to others, and so on. To tell the truth I didn't know him until now. I know his brother, Bujar Lako, that is one of the good Albanian actors. Apparently, Adhurim had wanted to be an actor too and he believed that he could have been a better actor than his famos brother. Too bad I heard about him so late, but i am happy that I could get one of his stories. This one here, "The bus", reminds me my childhood. All he says here, brings me back when I was a child and used to get on the bus to go to visit cousins. Later on, I stared taking a bus every morning to go to high school and everything he says here is so real.
Once again, I have to ask forgiveness to my non-Albanian friends for not translating this. His language is very rich and I am affraid I will not be able to bring all the colors of his words in English for you.


Autobusi

Sepse më vinte mirë të rrija ca më gjatë sot në shtrat e të kotesha ndër thellat e kohës. Cm‘u kujtua koh‘e shkuar

Përgjithësisht, unë mëngjeseve ngrihesha në orën 6 dhe, si përshëndetje për ditën e re, merrja ca shqelma prapanicës në Autobusin që më shpinte në punë.

Nuk e di se si, po gjatë rrugëve mendoja ca gjëra të çuditshme; dikush, p.sh. ishte i kënaqur që autobusi ishte plot, ndërsa dikush tjetër ishte i lumtur vetëm nga mendimi se gjendej bashkë me tufën, paçka nga të shtyrat e nga disa të shara që nuk mund t‘i përmend këtu.

Çdo ditë shihja të njëjtat fytyra që kundronin me kureshtje njëri-tjetrin sikur mos ta kishin parë kurrë.

Ka nganjëherë edhe kështu; ja p.sh., një ditë vura re njërin, nuk e di përse ishte aq entuziast, ndoshta ngaqë rrinte pranë shoferit.

Mbaj mend njëherë, dikush më ka thënë se kur doli nga autobusi kishte gjurmën e një take në mëngën e xhaketës, kjo tregon se të udhëtosh nuk është aq e thjeshtë sa pandehet. Megjithatë unë mendoj se ia kam marrë dorën kësaj pune. Edhe sikur të dukej e pamundur hyrja në autobus, përvoja më kish mësuar të gjeja edhe unë një vend aty.

Ndodhte ndonjëherë që xhami i madh anësor të mungonte krejt e atëherë unë përfitoja të ulesha në karrikën pranë tij sepse dihet që njerëzit janë "delikatë" e kanë frikë se mos u ngjallet ndonjë flamë e vjetër. Ç‘është e drejta, unë e paguaja këtë me nja dy-tri ditë kollë e hundë, po të paktën isha i kënaqur se më në fund e bëja një rrugë, i strukur aty më vete, duke parë vetëm pallate ngjyrë gri e me njolla të bardha nga plaçkat e nderura aty-këtu, apo njerëz të kërrusur që nxitonin drejt vendeve të punës, e thosha me vete se ky dekor nuk ka për të ndryshuar kurrë, në jetë të jetëve.

Mua më pëlqen shumë të fle. Atëherë kuptohet se sa e vështirë është të çoheshe në një orë kaq të shpejtë e të ngisje pas autobusit sikur kjo të ishte vendimtare për jetën tënde. Rastiste që edhe të mos hipje dot! Atëherë, të them të drejtën, nuk ndjehesha mirë, sepse shihja që përtej xhamave më vështronin të gjithë ata që kishin mundur të hipin, e në një mënyrë sikur të kisha bërë ndonjë faj të rëndë!

Eh, sa vjet kanë shkuar! Megjithatë, erdhi një çast e sikur ndryshoi pak. Erdhën ca autobusë të rinj dhe sepse ndjeheshe i ngushëlluar për diçka të pakuptueshme. Në fillim, njerëzit kishin mjaft frikë pej tyre. Porsa hipnin, përpiqeshin të ishin të shkujdesur sikur nuk kishte ndodhur gjë, megjithatë e përshëndesnin njeri-tjetrin sikur të ishin përpara eprorëve të tyre.

Epo, kjo kohë kaloi shumë shpejt dhe autobusi i ri dhe i bukur, i ardhur nga larg, u kthye në një karakatinë dhe njerëzit hipnin si më parë në to, pa çarë kokën më për frikën e dikurshme. Prapë britmat dhe zëniet morën hov, e u shtuan ca më tepër, se dihet që hallet e njerëzve nuk kanë të sosur. Ndodhte nganjëherë të shihje tek mbylleshin dyert e fuqishme e të mbetej jashtë tyre ndonjë çantë e panjohur që përpiqej majtas e djathtas të tërhiqte me zor pas saj të zotin a të zonjën.

Nganjëherë mendoja se do të ishte më mirë të blija një biçikletë, po ç‘është e drejta, biçikleta nuk e di se si, … po edhe me të nuk i kam punët mirë, ndofta ngaqë kam mësuar shumë vonë ta ngas dhe; po sikur të më prishej? Nga do t‘ia mbaja unë i ziu me këto pak njohuri që kam mbi mekanikën? Shpesh më ndodhte të shihja me habi disa njerëz që e kishin përdorur për një kohë të gjatë. Rastisi që iu qava një mikut tim për këtë hall dhe ai u zotua se do t‘më ndihmonte në çdo avari që do t‘mund të më ndodhte.

Eh! Endërra të shkuara!

Unë prapë vazhdoj të udhëtoj me autobus duke kënduar me vete i përgjumur; "Love, love me do".

My Master

I was trying to figure out what is the male version of Mistress, and I found is Master?!! Sort of too much for what the Master is used nowadays, very far from what Mistress is used for. But anyway, this is not what I want to write about, is rather about my master, the one that I open my heart and let my self show everything. Is the one that knows very well how I feel, who do I miss, what do I want, when I need attention, where do I want to rather be. Is the one that has seen me mad, sad, glad, happy, angry, crying, smiling, laughing, singing, talking, planning, expecting, dreaming. Is the one that knows by name everyone around me and how I connect with them, how much each of them means to me, who would I want to have beside me. Is the one that has seen me dressed up, in old clothes, all makeup done, skin out of control, early in the morning, late at night, cold snow day, hot summer heat, sweating and stinky, smelling like a rose, curly and wet, straight and dry, full of energy, tired, touching the sky, lost without hope.

I only wish that was a human. It is my car!

Is my beautiful car that all asks from me is gas, service check three times a year, clean when I feel like and windshield fluid. Has a huge room for me and everyone I want to take for ride. Is flexible and can lower the back seats to make room for stuff that I decide to buy. Plays any song I want to hear, tells me all the news about the World, takes me everywhere I want to go, whenever I want to go and never complains that is tired of me. Waits for me outside the door and winks every time I push a button. Can blow cold or hot air to keep me comfortable. Can adjust the seat to fit better to the height of the heels I am wearing. It can also warm the seat on winter days! Never tells me that my singing sucks. Never eats my groceries that I load into it. Listens to everything I say just like a psychiatrist without judging me, just accepting me for who I am. I say everything to my car, EVERYTHING! Nobody knows more about me than that car. And still comes with me everywhere I want to go, doesn't complain about my mood swings, doesn't tell to other cars about me and always shows the correct time. I really LOVE my car, my Master! I only wish it was a human.