Confidence

I like to believe that I am a strong woman. I have married a guy that when we first started dating, he was making less money than me, had a very low self confidence, bad taste on clothes, low expectations regarding future, not articulated. But he was cute, he loved me the best he could, he gave me the feeling that he will be there for me and will never let me down, he will love me always and ... and I would make my mom happy by getting married. Years after living with him, teaching him, directing him, talking to him, he has become very confident, wants to wear expensive clothes, drive expensive cars, has eyes on becoming a manager pretty soon and is a proud father of a wonderful little girl. He has changed so much that yesterday he actually said to me "you lack on communication skills and that's why you have problems at work and you will never be a manager". Now, my problems at work, was just a gut feeling that I decided to tell him out of opening a conversation. I have this feeling that my job will end soon and I do not see much open options that I would like to jump for. I was shocked, terrified and surprised! He has changed but he has left me behind. He has taken the best of me and now is using it against me to tell me that I am the one that needs improvement!! God, I want to tell him the right thing that would be very much into the swearing side, but, maybe he is right! Maybe I do have a problem with the way I communicate with people. I know that I come from "hot blood" predecessors but I do believe that I'm nice and that people around do get me. Gosh, maybe I am wrong and I have to work on my communication skills. I feel like and HR victim. I never trusted these kind of trainings offered by HR on telling us how to communicate but maybe I do need that! Maybe I do need a structure on the way I present my self and my ideas, how I bring problems across and how I ask what I ask. We need to keep learning every day, keep changing and hope that it will improve us.

So much dust

I haven't put down much writing lately on this blog. It's not that I have started another one but I have found another place to write my thoughts, to unload the garbage in my head. I have a new friend. He is not the normal guy you would meet on a Canadian bar. He is not Canadian and has been through some interesting steps in his life. Just like when you meet someone new, there are a lot to share, to learn about the past. And that's how I have been letting my thoughts out of my fingers into the keyboard. I am really enjoying this , I like to meet people that have things to say. But... there is always a but. My but is why do I do this? Why do I find it interesting to meet new people, why do I look for to meet new people? I guess, we are all under the expectation that once we get married, all we need around is our families and our spouses. Making new friends, especially from the other gender, is seen as a sign of "cheating". Now cheating is a hard word and I do not like it. Where does it start and where does it end? What is the minimal thing we have to do to be considered as "cheating"? The fact that someone else is offering something we like to take, something we do not get it from the other already established sources and resources, means that we are surrounded by people that do not offer all what we need. I know we have families, friends, spouses, children but sometimes relations just get in a "status quo" and in order to keep moving and not fall under the everyday depression, you need new input, new ideas, new stories, new words, new points of view. Would be really boring and dull to just be happy with what you have. I do enjoy and evaluate what I have but I feel un-complete when I face a new idea, new input and I am hungry for that. I want it! Why does this looks like a sign of cheating? Lately I was reading about one of the Oprah's shows where the theme was cheating. The smart psychiatrist that Oprah has always there to give the right advice said: " We should feel offended if someone makes us a compliments knowing that we are married"... maybe was "a sexual compliment", don't remember very well the details. And that didn't fall well in my stomach. This is such a Conservative -Catholic -American oriented psychology. I am not sure but I believe that elsewhere, the psychiatrists would say different things, not so closed-in-the-box and well labeled with the stamp of the betray. I believe only people that are not confident in their relationships, that fear that their spouses will leave them, that want to keep beside them people that do not want to stay with them....only these people like this psychology, promote this way of thinking.