Stuck in church

Every Tuesday evening, I take my daughter to an after school math program that is supposed to help her with the way of thinking, logic and finally with math. The classes are held at the premises of a church, that I assume is not getting enough financial support from the followers and is being creative on how to generate revenue for the priest and his assistant.
While my daughter is in the classroom, I try to take a break. Usually, I take a book to read or I go for a manicure at a Nail spa close by. I would love to go for a coffee with a friend but I don’t have anyone available at that time, at that location.
But one Tuesday, I rushing to get there on time and I forgot to take the book. I had done my nails just two days before. And just like that, I found myself stuck at the lobby of the church. I looked around to find something to read and all I could find was religious literature … religious literature in Korean( I forgot to mention that it is a Korean Anglican church). I am not Christian to begin with and Korean is a language that I have absolutely no relation, except the name of the Bim Bim Bap dish, that I like a lot. Bored to death, I started looking on the little booklets they had around on the tables and I found something in English. Hallelujah! It was a small booklet where they had tried to give sense to Bible and all the psalms there. One that took my attention was “There’s an app for that”. What they were trying to do there was to make Bible look like the first iPhone! For everything you need in our modern life, iPhone has an app for that .... and Bible has a story for that!
I had to laugh! Is that how church is recruiting new generation nowadays? Are they also trying to say that Christianity runs on MacOSX and other religious on Windows? Has the “I’m a Mac and I’m a PC” commercial been so successful that now it is being used as a default reference everywhere?
I am a Mac OSX supporter, no doubt. I have wasted so much time and been so angry so many times with my Windows machine that Mac is sent from Heaven to me. And since things sent from Heaven are religious, then I have to find out what religion does Mac belong? What about Windows?
With so many variation of Windows (3, Server, XP, Vista, 7, etc), I see Windows as a good match for Christianity. A lot of Christian religious around have the same belief (God, Jesus, Holly spirit) but different names (Good seed, Witness of Jehovah, etc). Also, Windows gives a lot of trouble and makes people swear, loose temper in front of the children, spreads viruses and all sort of bad things. It can’t be a thing sent from Heaven, it must be an Evil tool. Now, not that Ma OSX is perfect. There are a lot of issues and complains with that as well, but is way better behaved and more reliable.
So, based on this quick analysis, I declare that Bible is not an iPhone and Christianity runs on Windows. Now where can I find that priest that wrote that booklet and explain this to him!!??