cry baby cry

Is one of those Saturday nights when I don't have plans to go out, feel tired, feel down and need a boost. Could have gone to bed at 9 but decided to throw myself in the hands of the TV channel choices. First I caught "Finding Forrester" in the last 30 minutes. Such a good movie. Darn, I missed the part when they talk about the BMW history. And that made me think, I am not a great person. I think I am more of like that bad/envious professor that is trying to win no matter what. I so want to be like the other professor, that at the end took the matter in his hands and very nicely closed the conflict. Why am I not like that, why am I not wise and calm, why am I not easy to accept loss... Not sure if that comes with age or is already stamped on me for forever. Is the life that takes us into roller coasters and we get into the player's role and start fighting for winning.... whatever it is, win it! And then I caught "PS. I Love You", almost from start. Impossible not to cry when you watch that movie on a late Saturday night when you have no other plans and feel down. This woman that can't let go of her dead husband, and then falls in love with his best friend... it is not as plain as this, there is more there but I find another tendency of mine. Cutting stories short, connecting begining with end in the shortest way and try to put some humor in it.... hoping my humor is understood as humor. I think i get things but being practical I cut the un-necessary parts to reach the inside kernel. It is like I am constantly delivering cases with a limit of words "Please present the financial status of your company and suggest what needs to change, in 200 words". So here I am, trying to pull myself up and all I end up doing is push it even lower, compare myslef with movie characters and for some reasons, live in other peoples fictional lives. Bad. Not helping..at all. I think I like Irish guys.. if that helps for anything...probably not. So, lesson to myself: find things to do on Saturday nights, or be prepared to cry for relief.

The song at the end of the movie says:

Give me reason but don't give me choice cuz' i might make the same mistake again