Up in the air

I took a long trip back home, just for one week, to be on a wedding. A very close friend, got married with my cousin. To save on money and to make the trip entertaining, I arranged to have a stop in Frankfurt, spend some time with my brother's family. It turned out to be one of the worst trips I have ever been. First the flight was delayed. The delay made me lose the connection. After screaming on the phone and face to face with airline agents, I made it to get to another airplane leaving in 30 minutes. And then when I arrived in Frankfurt, I found that the other ticket to get home, was booked for the right date and time, but wrong month. Imagine a trip where after each stop, you wait for a new surprise to come your way and get you into another problem. I made it to go home after 55 hours, with 6 stops. The only good thing about this was that I meet my nephews for longer than I had planned.
1 week back home is short. So much to do, so many to meet, so many you want to meet and try to meet but you can't. You see how people that were very close 2 years ago, now are a bit cold with each-other, for reasons you can't understand. You see how people have shifted their opinions and interests. You are faced with rumours, intrigues, jealousies, ignorance, bad will and on the same time, right on the other side of the same coin, with love, too much care, extra attention, good desires and professional growth. It is all there, in the same place.
I walked around with the hope to meet someone I knew. Didn't happen. I found myself a stranger.
I called people to meet them casually, not possible. Had to leave appointments.
I wanted to see my cousins all making silly jokes around a table. Didn't happen. Words were said to make a point, or respond to a possible insult.
I was tired but I wanted to see more. It is always that feeling that somewhere, somehow, I will find a piece of my past. I will teleport myself back in time, and laugh again with silly jokes, walk around and see faces I know, rumours are an important topic to discuss, and you could always drop by the bar/caffe and find someone you know.
Interesting was the presence of my friend (the groom) in that environment. And on top of that, a couple, his friends, from where I live. It made me put myself in another dimension, where countries were mixed, languages were switched on the spot, jokes were only for a few that understood the context, fun was different, love was spread in multiple touches and there were sprinkles of remoteness/ long distance on everything.
One week passed by quickly. Time to get back home, or better say, to the home where my husband and daughter are. Again, i was up for a long trip with a lot of stops.
At some point, during a long flight, when the airplane was over the ocean, I felt free. Free like a bird in the compete sense of it.
Up in the air, in between homes, in between families, in between countries, in between languages, in between friends, in between hugs, in between kisses, in between memories, in between desires, in between things to do, between weather temperatures, I found myself free. I knew that as soon as I would touch land I had to rush somewhere, do something, call someone. But up there, I even confused From with To where I was going. I wanted that trip to last and keep me in the air longer. I didn't want to land, I wasn't ready to land. I felt uncompleted, undone and with an enormous desire to cry from the heart. Outside, was constantly daytime, the bright light of sun was constantly reminding me that I wasn't dreaming. It was the first time where I wished the airplane would go around the World in the long direction, or take me for another ride after the stop, or that nobody was waiting for me and I could just get on another trip, and nobody knew where I was. I wanted to hide from everyone, I wanted to push a Pause button to the World below and stay up in the air inside that airplane. I didn't know who I was and who I wanted to be. I felt small and big. I felt loved and forgotten. I felt desired and eliminated. I could find a lot of reasons to stop the airplane and the same number of reasons to keep it going.
If that is what LCD did to Steve Jobs, I want some of it, often.