Vinegar

I am noticing myself lately becoming bitter and assertive. More. Maybe I have always been like this but maybe I have been in different positions when people have expected different things from me. I envy this girl in my team, she is all organized and very on top of the process. I can't be like that, it clashes with my personality. My way of working is to get things done, rather than measure a lot of metrics. I do lack academic-ism and for sure I am more hands on and I value practic-ism I know I am doing something wrong, but for everything I identify as something I did wrong, I can find also a reason behind why I did it so I can justify myself. I am worried that I am working against myself, I am becoming like that strong vinegar that ruins its own container. Until now I have seen the role of a psychoanalyst as a hobby. Now I need it professionally. More for a focus, direction, a simple technique on how to keep my mouth shut, on how to be happier and less grumpy. I hear that a lot of people in my new profession, do have personal coaches. Not just for professional coaching but also personal. I think I need one. It might cost but I can pay it as long as I have a job. Maybe will help me stay in a job. So I am thinking to ask some of the guys that have tried a lot of these coaches to recommend me someone. I don't know what this makes me. Desperate, psychotic, complicated, intellectual, crazy or just plain aware that my brain needs more than what is getting right now. I will try it.