| Storie Di Tutti I Giorni : (M.Fabrizio/G.Morra/R.Fogli) Storie di tutti i giorni, vecchi discorsi sempre da fare, storie ferme sulle panchine in attesa di un lieto fine; storie di noi brava gente che fa fatica, s'innamora con niente, vita di sempre, ma in mente grandi idee. Un giorno in più che se ne va un orologio fermo da un'eternità per tutti quelli così come noi da sempre in corsa, sempre a metà; un giorno in più che passa, ormai, con questo amore che non è grande come vorrei. Storie come amici perduti che cambiano strada, se li saluti; storie che non fanno rumore come una stanza chiusa a chiave; storie che non hanno futuro, come un piccolo punto su un grande muro dove scriverci un rigo a una donna che non c'è più. Un giorno in più che se ne va, un uomo stanco che nessuno ascolterà per tutti quelli così come noi senza trionfi, né grossi guai; un giorno in più che passa ,ormai, con questo amore che non è bello come vorrei. Storie come anelli di fumo in un posto lontano, senza nessuno solo una notte che non finisce mai. Un giorno in più che se ne va dimenticato fra i rumori di città, per tutti quelli come noi niente è cambiato e niente cambierà; un giorno in più che passa ormai con questo amore che non è forte come vorrei. | Everyday Stories : (M.Fabrizio/G.Morra/R.Fogli)
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Friday, June 26, 2009
Stories from '80
Monday, June 22, 2009
Long distance family
Last week I was invited on Facebook by my cousin on her wedding. Today a friend of mine told me that my cousin he meet on Facebook told him that my uncle has passed away 2 days ago. I called my home and my dad confirmed, the funeral was done.
Being so far from home, I thought I miss the good times like weddings or my cousins getting together on a week-long trip at the sea-side. I so wanted to be there and have fun with them, dance, sing, drink ..all the things that people do on weddings and girls-only-trips.
But today I was reminded that I am missing also the sad days, like funerals. Three years ago my aunt changed life. Hearing that she passed away for sure was a bad news. I was sad and I did try to be as close as I could to my mom on the phone. But being so far, not meeting her regularly, not being close to what she was doing and how she was feeling lately, I did not suffer as much. She can very well be still alive for what I am concerned. I didn't see her laying on a tomb, I do not miss calling someone, I do not remember on what day she passed away. Not long after her, her husband passed away as well. I felt the same. I have the feeling it will be same with my uncle. I am sad he is gone, I am sad to hear that today was his funeral and I didn't even know, I am sad to know that his daughter that lives not far from me arrived late and didn't make it to be in the funeral, I am sad to know that my dad lost a brother. Both my uncle and my aunt are people that are (eventhough in small portions) somehow responsible for who I am today. They have been very close to me when I was a child. They have given me moments that only uncles and aunts can give. My aunt used to always have a chocolate for me. My uncle used to always make beach sandals every summer when I went on vacation. He used to make nail polish too, with some weird liquids he always had on his desk at work. My aunt always used to visit me at the summer kids camp and take me out for a good lunch. Her husband had a motorbike and he used to take me for rides.
I am sad. I am scared. I am worried. I feel I am becoming a "cold North American" person. I feel this kind of life is sucking me and my energy. I am loosing reality of who is alive. I am becoming a movie character for my family and they are for me the people that know all about me without questions. I used to be part of them. Now I have become a Moon, goes around them but stays far from them. I am not part of their bad days but we talk on the phone. I am not part of their good days but I see the pictures from those days. And I am not on those pictures.
Being so far from home, I thought I miss the good times like weddings or my cousins getting together on a week-long trip at the sea-side. I so wanted to be there and have fun with them, dance, sing, drink ..all the things that people do on weddings and girls-only-trips.
But today I was reminded that I am missing also the sad days, like funerals. Three years ago my aunt changed life. Hearing that she passed away for sure was a bad news. I was sad and I did try to be as close as I could to my mom on the phone. But being so far, not meeting her regularly, not being close to what she was doing and how she was feeling lately, I did not suffer as much. She can very well be still alive for what I am concerned. I didn't see her laying on a tomb, I do not miss calling someone, I do not remember on what day she passed away. Not long after her, her husband passed away as well. I felt the same. I have the feeling it will be same with my uncle. I am sad he is gone, I am sad to hear that today was his funeral and I didn't even know, I am sad to know that his daughter that lives not far from me arrived late and didn't make it to be in the funeral, I am sad to know that my dad lost a brother. Both my uncle and my aunt are people that are (eventhough in small portions) somehow responsible for who I am today. They have been very close to me when I was a child. They have given me moments that only uncles and aunts can give. My aunt used to always have a chocolate for me. My uncle used to always make beach sandals every summer when I went on vacation. He used to make nail polish too, with some weird liquids he always had on his desk at work. My aunt always used to visit me at the summer kids camp and take me out for a good lunch. Her husband had a motorbike and he used to take me for rides.
I am sad. I am scared. I am worried. I feel I am becoming a "cold North American" person. I feel this kind of life is sucking me and my energy. I am loosing reality of who is alive. I am becoming a movie character for my family and they are for me the people that know all about me without questions. I used to be part of them. Now I have become a Moon, goes around them but stays far from them. I am not part of their bad days but we talk on the phone. I am not part of their good days but I see the pictures from those days. And I am not on those pictures.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
A poetry in my language
I started chating on FB with this artist from Macedonia, but speaks Albanian. It is really good, to hear in my language again, words expressing different feelings. Living here for 9 years now, English has become the language I dream in. Althought I am improving more and more, a lot of things do not have the sense they must have. I can swear or be sweared, I can love and be loved, I can hate and be hated, I can adore and be adored but is all in the logical sense. I translate the words and get what the other person is trying to say to me. I do not get the heart of the other person and I do not put my heart on what I say. Is almost like righting a math excercise, or like completing a document from government.
And now I am chating in my language again. Things make sense, words have feelings, feelings have colours. It is amazing how good it feels when the conversation is colorful and sensitive.
So I asked my artist friend to recite a poetry for me. And althought reciting in chat does not make the same effect as hearing someone reciting, the poetry gave me goose bumps. A bit "customized" here it is. And I really apologize to all my English speaking friends, but I will not transalte this one. Just like I said, if I translate it in English, I will take away the sense, the feelings and the colours from it. I will replace my name with "My land".
Nga Ali Podrimja
zgjohu, My land! zgjohu, nena ime e dashur,
balli dhe emri im i shkelur,
zgjohu, oj! a po e ndjen vajin tim?
a po sheh si t'i kam ngulur syte
mu ne zemer, mu ne shpirt,
si t'i kam hedhur duart rreth belit
për te perqafuar une, ashti yt?
zgjohu, My land!
nga deget e tua te thyera kush po bahet,
kete vater kush po e le?
Ç'janë keto gjurme gjaku qe po shtohen
neper fytyren tende,
keto varre e murana qe po sillen vërdalle
rreth shtepise sime?...
zgjohu, My land! zgjohu, nena ime e dashur,
balli dhe emri im i shkelur,
zgjohu, My land!...
sonte vetem mbeta e
ne dere t'oborrit askush me s'po me troket,
askush me, thua vdekur jam e harruar
ne keto troje e suka gjaku.
thua me eshte e shkrimbur hisja
e mbyllur dera e konakut...
zgjohu, My land, flake e hershme e ashtit tim
t'pelcitur.
bota në ty le te kallet!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Age and friends
Lately I have found myself more than once in situations where I got hurt from or I have hurt someone I have considered close friend. These are people that I have spent time with, shared something of me, listen something from them and promised will not be shared with someone else, sent hundreds of emails and make myself believe that I have a special bond with them. And just when I thought that I do not need to prove myself anymore toward these people, when I thought that I don't have to be extra careful on picking the words I choose when I talk with these people, when I thought that I have found a place in the universe where I can be me and they can be them... something out of the blue happens and all these things have a big question mark beside.
Sometimes, just because you are hanging out with someone, you automatically have created some anger/ enemy to someone else, because that someone else has issues with the one you are hanging out. Sometimes, just by non saying bad things about someone, you break the relation with someone else that has issues with that other one. All of a sudden, you are in the center of a drama. Two people that have issues with each-other, associate you with the other person. And all you have done is try to be neutral and not pick any side.
Some people like to think they are smart and well brought up that they do not need to learn anything anymore. Some others think that they need to learn a lot and need to get more matured. Some people like to consider themselves invincible, some people like to consider themselves victims.
With so much going on at my work and at my life, I am trying to find time to invest on new friendships, on new people, on new experiences that will help me in a way or another to fight the stress, to feel better about myself, to feel better for being there for someone, to think that I am maybe helping someone in a way. But if at the end of this investment I find myself hurting or being hurt, then I start questioning my ability to be sharp to find the right person to invest to. I have already created jealousies, enemies and all sort of rumors about myself for trying to invest on these people and the result is a big headache, a failure. Is almost like an economic failure in big proportions.
So what to do? All I do is try to explain myself and make sure that the other person knows I did not have bad intentions.
What do I learn? I believe is it hard to make new friends in an older age. We are not capable to see someone without interests and benefits anymore, like children do. Children are friends because they like to play together, because they enjoy each-others company, because they all make silly jokes and all laugh with them, because when someone is crying the other one goes and gives a hug to show the support, because once they get a hug, things are forgiven and forgotten.
I want to be a child again and be able to find friends like that. I want to find friends that I can be me, just the way I am.
Sometimes, just because you are hanging out with someone, you automatically have created some anger/ enemy to someone else, because that someone else has issues with the one you are hanging out. Sometimes, just by non saying bad things about someone, you break the relation with someone else that has issues with that other one. All of a sudden, you are in the center of a drama. Two people that have issues with each-other, associate you with the other person. And all you have done is try to be neutral and not pick any side.
Some people like to think they are smart and well brought up that they do not need to learn anything anymore. Some others think that they need to learn a lot and need to get more matured. Some people like to consider themselves invincible, some people like to consider themselves victims.
With so much going on at my work and at my life, I am trying to find time to invest on new friendships, on new people, on new experiences that will help me in a way or another to fight the stress, to feel better about myself, to feel better for being there for someone, to think that I am maybe helping someone in a way. But if at the end of this investment I find myself hurting or being hurt, then I start questioning my ability to be sharp to find the right person to invest to. I have already created jealousies, enemies and all sort of rumors about myself for trying to invest on these people and the result is a big headache, a failure. Is almost like an economic failure in big proportions.
So what to do? All I do is try to explain myself and make sure that the other person knows I did not have bad intentions.
What do I learn? I believe is it hard to make new friends in an older age. We are not capable to see someone without interests and benefits anymore, like children do. Children are friends because they like to play together, because they enjoy each-others company, because they all make silly jokes and all laugh with them, because when someone is crying the other one goes and gives a hug to show the support, because once they get a hug, things are forgiven and forgotten.
I want to be a child again and be able to find friends like that. I want to find friends that I can be me, just the way I am.
Do you want to be my friend?
Friday, March 6, 2009
We real cool
WE REAL COOL
by Gwendolyn Brooks
by Gwendolyn Brooks
We real cool. We
Left school. We
Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We
Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We
Jazz June. We
Die soon.
Left school. We
Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We
Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We
Jazz June. We
Die soon.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
February was a mess
Didn't write at all last month. I just didn't realize where last month went, when did it start and when did it finish. I almost forgot the birthday of my friend and I did forget the birthday of my nephew. All because I had lots to do at home, at work, on the phone, on my brain, on emails.
Lots of people lost their job at my work. We, left behind, were dumped all the work they were doing. Also we needed a re-org. I had to remind some people that I had been asking to change position for a while and now seemed like the perfect time. At the time this position was offered, I was also asked to start a new job at my husbands work. Didn't like it after I found out what I had to do so, I accepted the position at my current job. The trick is that I had to close my current position and I was loaded with a couple of projects. Had to work a couple of weekends to put things in place. In the middle of all this, I learned that a good friend of mine has no idea how job gets done by a developer and a product manager. We had a fight, things were said, job is being done, friendship had a crack. Week after next I begin my new job. Moving from one pot of hot water to another pot of hot water.
At home I am adding a new bathroom. Needed a plumber, an interior drywall and tile guy. Found them. The plumber nothing to be too impressed about but the other guy is awesome. That is the kind of husband I would have wanted to have. Because he is doing good job, I think I will do some other renos at home. I had to shop around for tiles, tub, vanity and stuff. Drove a pickup truck couple of times. Made me feel like a Southern girl, just had to change the accent.
Watched some good movies, "Revolutionary road", "Slumdog millionaire", "The reader", "Valkyrie". Kate Winslet got the Oscar for best actress on "The reader". After watching the movie, not sure was deserved. "Slumdog millionaire" got more Oscars than other movies and Sean Penn said "You commy, hommo lovers" twice when he got his Oscar for best actor.
Somehow lost my track on exercising and I feel like I am going back on having a saggy belly. Perfect! Right now that the spring is trying to come and girls will start showing off their flat bellies and good skin.
A little girl named Sophia was born.
Obama visited Canada without a hat or gloves.
Played chess with a guy that has been winning for 10 years. He played against me and his son. We won and was a miracle!
The new quote I liked "Your credit card company, knows 2 years ahead about your divorce".
After all, if I go back and think about everything, this was the kind of month I would like to have. Be busy, have things to do and no time to think of stupid things. Was a mess, but sort of colorful.
Lots of people lost their job at my work. We, left behind, were dumped all the work they were doing. Also we needed a re-org. I had to remind some people that I had been asking to change position for a while and now seemed like the perfect time. At the time this position was offered, I was also asked to start a new job at my husbands work. Didn't like it after I found out what I had to do so, I accepted the position at my current job. The trick is that I had to close my current position and I was loaded with a couple of projects. Had to work a couple of weekends to put things in place. In the middle of all this, I learned that a good friend of mine has no idea how job gets done by a developer and a product manager. We had a fight, things were said, job is being done, friendship had a crack. Week after next I begin my new job. Moving from one pot of hot water to another pot of hot water.
At home I am adding a new bathroom. Needed a plumber, an interior drywall and tile guy. Found them. The plumber nothing to be too impressed about but the other guy is awesome. That is the kind of husband I would have wanted to have. Because he is doing good job, I think I will do some other renos at home. I had to shop around for tiles, tub, vanity and stuff. Drove a pickup truck couple of times. Made me feel like a Southern girl, just had to change the accent.
Watched some good movies, "Revolutionary road", "Slumdog millionaire", "The reader", "Valkyrie". Kate Winslet got the Oscar for best actress on "The reader". After watching the movie, not sure was deserved. "Slumdog millionaire" got more Oscars than other movies and Sean Penn said "You commy, hommo lovers" twice when he got his Oscar for best actor.
Somehow lost my track on exercising and I feel like I am going back on having a saggy belly. Perfect! Right now that the spring is trying to come and girls will start showing off their flat bellies and good skin.
A little girl named Sophia was born.
Obama visited Canada without a hat or gloves.
Played chess with a guy that has been winning for 10 years. He played against me and his son. We won and was a miracle!
The new quote I liked "Your credit card company, knows 2 years ahead about your divorce".
After all, if I go back and think about everything, this was the kind of month I would like to have. Be busy, have things to do and no time to think of stupid things. Was a mess, but sort of colorful.
Friendships, Flowers and Fights in French
A LA CLAIRE FONTAINE Chant traditionnel À la claire fontaine M'en allant promener J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle Que je m'y suis baigné Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai Sous les feuilles d'un chêne Je me suis fait sécher Sur la plus haute branche Un rossignol chantait Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai Chante rossignol chante Toi qui as le cœur gai Tu as le cœur à rire Moi je l'ai à pleurer Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai J'ai perdu mon amie Sans l'avoir mérité Pour un bouton de roses Que je lui refusai Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai Je voudrais que la rose Fut encore au rosier Et que mon douce ami fût encore à m’aimer Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai À la claire fontaine M'en allant promener J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle Que je m'y suis baigné Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai | AT THE CLEAR FOUNTAIN Traditional song At the clear fountain I went for a walk The water was so nice That I took a bathe I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you Under the leaves of an oak I dried myself On the highest branch a nightingale was singing I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you Sing nightingale sing You with a gay heart Your heart feels like laughing Mine feels like crying I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you I lost my fried Without deserving it For a bunch of roses That I refused from him I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you I would love that the rose be still on the bush And that my sweet friend be still loving me I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you At the clear fountain I went for a walk The water was so nice That I took a bathe I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you |
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