Sunday, May 3, 2009

A poetry in my language

I started chating on FB with this artist from Macedonia, but speaks Albanian. It is really good, to hear in my language again, words expressing different feelings. Living here for 9 years now, English has become the language I dream in. Althought I am improving more and more, a lot of things do not have the sense they must have. I can swear or be sweared, I can love and be loved, I can hate and be hated, I can adore and be adored but is all in the logical sense. I translate the words and get what the other person is trying to say to me. I do not get the heart of the other person and I do not put my heart on what I say. Is almost like righting a math excercise, or like completing a document from government.
And now I am chating in my language again. Things make sense, words have feelings, feelings have colours. It is amazing how good it feels when the conversation is colorful and sensitive.
So I asked my artist friend to recite a poetry for me. And althought reciting in chat does not make the same effect as hearing someone reciting, the poetry gave me goose bumps. A bit "customized" here it is. And I really apologize to all my English speaking friends, but I will not transalte this one. Just like I said, if I translate it in English, I will take away the sense, the feelings and the colours from it. I will replace my name with "My land".








Nga Ali Podrimja

zgjohu, My land! zgjohu, nena ime e dashur,
balli dhe emri im i shkelur,
zgjohu, oj! a po e ndjen vajin tim?
a po sheh si t'i kam ngulur syte
mu ne zemer, mu ne shpirt,
si t'i kam hedhur duart rreth belit
për te perqafuar une, ashti yt?
zgjohu, My land!
nga deget e tua te thyera kush po bahet,
kete vater kush po e le?
Ç'janë keto gjurme gjaku qe po shtohen
neper fytyren tende,
keto varre e murana qe po sillen vërdalle
rreth shtepise sime?...
zgjohu, My land! zgjohu, nena ime e dashur,
balli dhe emri im i shkelur,
zgjohu, My land!...
sonte vetem mbeta e
ne dere t'oborrit askush me s'po me troket,
askush me, thua vdekur jam e harruar
ne keto troje e suka gjaku.
thua me eshte e shkrimbur hisja
e mbyllur dera e konakut...
zgjohu, My land, flake e hershme e ashtit tim
t'pelcitur.
bota në ty le te kallet!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Age and friends

Lately I have found myself more than once in situations where I got hurt from or I have hurt someone I have considered close friend. These are people that I have spent time with, shared something of me, listen something from them and promised will not be shared with someone else, sent hundreds of emails and make myself believe that I have a special bond with them. And just when I thought that I do not need to prove myself anymore toward these people, when I thought that I don't have to be extra careful on picking the words I choose when I talk with these people, when I thought that I have found a place in the universe where I can be me and they can be them... something out of the blue happens and all these things have a big question mark beside.
Sometimes, just because you are hanging out with someone, you automatically have created some anger/ enemy to someone else, because that someone else has issues with the one you are hanging out. Sometimes, just by non saying bad things about someone, you break the relation with someone else that has issues with that other one. All of a sudden, you are in the center of a drama. Two people that have issues with each-other, associate you with the other person. And all you have done is try to be neutral and not pick any side.
Some people like to think they are smart and well brought up that they do not need to learn anything anymore. Some others think that they need to learn a lot and need to get more matured. Some people like to consider themselves invincible, some people like to consider themselves victims.
With so much going on at my work and at my life, I am trying to find time to invest on new friendships, on new people, on new experiences that will help me in a way or another to fight the stress, to feel better about myself, to feel better for being there for someone, to think that I am maybe helping someone in a way. But if at the end of this investment I find myself hurting or being hurt, then I start questioning my ability to be sharp to find the right person to invest to. I have already created jealousies, enemies and all sort of rumors about myself for trying to invest on these people and the result is a big headache, a failure. Is almost like an economic failure in big proportions.
So what to do? All I do is try to explain myself and make sure that the other person knows I did not have bad intentions.
What do I learn? I believe is it hard to make new friends in an older age. We are not capable to see someone without interests and benefits anymore, like children do. Children are friends because they like to play together, because they enjoy each-others company, because they all make silly jokes and all laugh with them, because when someone is crying the other one goes and gives a hug to show the support, because once they get a hug, things are forgiven and forgotten.
I want to be a child again and be able to find friends like that. I want to find friends that I can be me, just the way I am.

Do you want to be my friend?

Friday, March 6, 2009

We real cool

WE REAL COOL
by Gwendolyn Brooks

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

February was a mess

Didn't write at all last month. I just didn't realize where last month went, when did it start and when did it finish. I almost forgot the birthday of my friend and I did forget the birthday of my nephew. All because I had lots to do at home, at work, on the phone, on my brain, on emails.
Lots of people lost their job at my work. We, left behind, were dumped all the work they were doing. Also we needed a re-org. I had to remind some people that I had been asking to change position for a while and now seemed like the perfect time. At the time this position was offered, I was also asked to start a new job at my husbands work. Didn't like it after I found out what I had to do so, I accepted the position at my current job. The trick is that I had to close my current position and I was loaded with a couple of projects. Had to work a couple of weekends to put things in place. In the middle of all this, I learned that a good friend of mine has no idea how job gets done by a developer and a product manager. We had a fight, things were said, job is being done, friendship had a crack. Week after next I begin my new job. Moving from one pot of hot water to another pot of hot water.
At home I am adding a new bathroom. Needed a plumber, an interior drywall and tile guy. Found them. The plumber nothing to be too impressed about but the other guy is awesome. That is the kind of husband I would have wanted to have. Because he is doing good job, I think I will do some other renos at home. I had to shop around for tiles, tub, vanity and stuff. Drove a pickup truck couple of times. Made me feel like a Southern girl, just had to change the accent.
Watched some good movies, "Revolutionary road", "Slumdog millionaire", "The reader", "Valkyrie". Kate Winslet got the Oscar for best actress on "The reader". After watching the movie, not sure was deserved. "Slumdog millionaire" got more Oscars than other movies and Sean Penn said "You commy, hommo lovers" twice when he got his Oscar for best actor.
Somehow lost my track on exercising and I feel like I am going back on having a saggy belly. Perfect! Right now that the spring is trying to come and girls will start showing off their flat bellies and good skin.
A little girl named Sophia was born.
Obama visited Canada without a hat or gloves.
Played chess with a guy that has been winning for 10 years. He played against me and his son. We won and was a miracle!
The new quote I liked "Your credit card company, knows 2 years ahead about your divorce".

After all, if I go back and think about everything, this was the kind of month I would like to have. Be busy, have things to do and no time to think of stupid things. Was a mess, but sort of colorful.

Friendships, Flowers and Fights in French






A LA CLAIRE FONTAINE
Chant traditionnel

À la claire fontaine
M'en allant promener
J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle
Que je m'y suis baigné

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

Sous les feuilles d'un chêne
Je me suis fait sécher
Sur la plus haute branche
Un rossignol chantait

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

Chante rossignol chante
Toi qui as le cœur gai
Tu as le cœur à rire
Moi je l'ai à pleurer

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

J'ai perdu mon amie
Sans l'avoir mérité
Pour un bouton de roses
Que je lui refusai

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

Je voudrais que la rose
Fut encore au rosier
Et que mon douce ami
fût encore à m’aimer

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai

À la claire fontaine
M'en allant promener
J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle
Que je m'y suis baigné

Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
Jamais je ne t'oublierai




AT THE CLEAR FOUNTAIN
Traditional song

At the clear fountain
I went for a walk
The water was so nice
That I took a bathe

I've been loving you for so long
I will never forget you

Under the leaves of an oak
I dried myself
On the highest branch
a nightingale was singing

I've been loving you for so long
I will never forget you

Sing nightingale sing
You with a gay heart
Your heart feels like laughing
Mine feels like crying

I've been loving you for so long
I will never forget you

I lost my fried
Without deserving it
For a bunch of roses
That I refused from him

I've been loving you for so long
I will never forget you

I would love that the rose
be still on the bush
And that my sweet friend
be still loving me

I've been loving you for so long
I will never forget you

At the clear fountain
I went for a walk
The water was so nice
That I took a bathe

I've been loving you for so long
I will never forget you


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Because there is someone

Yesterday, a friend called me. The friend told me that I should join Facebook so that we can stay in touch and share what we are doing. Then the friend told me "Bye and stay intelligent". It is nice to have phone calls like that. In a busy day, with so much going on, bad economy, lots of snow, very cold weather, hot gossips, elbow pushes...it is so soothing to hear that someone cares about you, that someone wants to know what are you eating (that's what you write on Facebook, right?!), that someone thinks you are intelligent and should stay like that.
It reminded me this song that I always loved. Is in Albanian and my mom always was puzzled on why do I like it. Well, here mom, on days like that, I like this song.
Thanks for calling :)



Nuk kerkoj tjeter njeri
(Elton Deda)


Kam kohe pa e pare,nuk di ku do jete,
at vjeshte te brishte dhe zerin e saj si kristal...
mes zerave te dimrit, mundohem ti flas

as vet nuk e di, pse lodhem ta gjej,
ende ndjej, ndonese ka shume akull mes nesh. kjo vjeshte e heshtur, dimrin se fsheh.

refreni
se dielli ndricon prape dhe shiu pushon,
nuk di zemra e saj,nga dhimbja renkon,
gjithshka do ta falja qe hapat e saj,te trokisnin prape te une(te une)
ende syte e tu,kane ca lote te pathare
si fshin dot e dashur,ndonse jemi larg...
dhe kurre mos mendo,vetem,sje ne kte bote
sepse ti ke nje njeri...qe te do

as vete nuk e di,pse lodhem ta gjej
ende ndjej,ndonese ka shum akull mes nesh
kjo vjesht e heshtur,dimrin se fsheh...

refreni

ne zemren time,dimri dhe vjeshta me thone per ty
jo mos kerko tjeter njeri

se dielli ndricon prap dhe shiu pushon
nuk di zemra e saj,nga dhimbja renkon
dhe kurr mos mendo,vetem,sje ne kte bote
sepse ti ke nje njeri...qe te do









Not looking for someone else
(Elton Deda)

Long time I haven't seen her,
don't know where she is
that fragile Fall and her crystal voice
within Winter voices, to her I'm trying
to talk
I just don't know why, I try to find her
still feel, even tho' there is
lots of ice between us
this silent Fall, can't hide the Winter
Chorus
The Sun will shine again and the rain will stop,
don't know if her heart still suffers from the pain,
I would give everything so her steps would knock
at my door again
There are still tears in your eyes
and baby you can't wipe them,
even when we are far apart...
but never think you are alone in this World
because there is someone out there that loves you

I just don't know why, I try to find her
still feel, even tho' there is
lost of ice between us
this silent Fall, can't hide the Winter

Chorus

Deep in my heart, Winter and Fall tell me
not to look for someone else anymore

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Copy-Paste

I do not usually do this but I am not good on explaining or having a smart opinion on Economic-Financial problems. So, for the first time, I will copy-paste here an article from Forbes. It explained why girls used to wear as little clothes as possible at my country while I was trying to finish University and start in my professional life. I could not compete with those girls even after I moved to Canada. My dressing was always on the conservative side. I like also the analysis of what factors to look for to start feeling optimist or pessimist about the future. Enjoy!

What your social life says about the economy
by David K. Randall and Jon Bruner, Forbes.com
Tuesday, December 30, 2008 provided by forbes

How does an economic slowdown affect day-to-day tasks like deciding what to wear, what to listen to and what to eat? Those questions are the driving force behind what's known as social economic indicators.

The most famous social indicator is the hemline index, developed in the 1920s by George Taylor, an economist at the Wharton School, which showed that the length of dresses increased when the economy slowed.



Recent studies have purported to show that the tempo of popular songs slows, that beer and pasta sales increase, and that Playboy's Playmate of the Year tends to be older and heavier during bad economies.

But these indicators are of little value if you're wondering where the economy is going. Instead, they're a much better sign of where the economy has been.

“The problem with these metrics is that people will continue to feel bad into an expansion,” says David Kelly, the chief market strategist for J.P. Morgan Funds.

Kurt Karl, the chief economist for Swiss Re, agreed, saying, “There are many spurious connections that can last for a little while, but there's no social indicator with any common sense underpinning to it.”

The lag between economic expansion and the time those gains are felt through the wide economy can last between a few months to over a year, experts say. Consumers spooked by a layoff may be more careful about their spending in the future even if they find employment again, for instance.

That will push the Consumer Confidence Index down. Or, there may be other reasons why growth is overshadowed. The S&P 500 grew almost 30 per cent during the Carter Administration, but inflation and the Iran hostage crisis contributed to widespread unhappiness.

Consumers can also feel good about an economy that's slowing or a bubble that's bursting. A&E launched its show Flip This House in the midst of the housing bubble, which contributed to a widespread idea that it was easy to improve and resell a house for a quick buck well into the declining housing market. Some of the biggest failures from the dot-com bust were the result of overeager investors bidding up shares for no reason other than exuberance.

All of this means that the latest consumer confidence numbers don't necessarily portend an extension of the downturn. The University of Michigan's index of consumer confidence dropped to its lowest level since 1980 in November, but that most likely reflects bad news from the last month or two rather than prospects for the near future.

Other types of social indicators like divorce rates, fertility rates and drug crimes are of little value in determining growth as well, according to a 1998 study by Johannes Fedderke and Robert Klitgaard in Economic Development and Cultural Change, a journal published by the University of Chicago. The study, which looked at over 25 countries, found that the chief social indicators that go along with economic growth are strong individual rights, political stability and efficient government institutions.

What cultural clues should we look for to know that we're once again in a period of growth? Advertising is one. If marketers think that they can sell more products by emphasizing fun or luxury rather than value, they expect that those moods have a greater cultural relevance and will thus lead to more sales.

Popular car sales is another. While vehicle sales is a standard metric for economists to gauge the health of the economy, the specific type of vehicles sold often reflects the national mood. Sales of small, fuel-efficient cars typically make up a greater proportion of overall sales during downturns, while larger vehicles or luxury models do better during times of growth.

But given its track record, maybe we should look to A&E. Once it starts broadcasting Makin' Do With What You Have, we'll know we're in a period of growth.