Should I ?

Since the begining of November, I have my parents staying with us, in our house. I am thinking to keep them around me,take care and keep an eye on them now that life is getting challenging for them. On the other side, they are getting to spend some time with their grand-daughter. Not that my daughter is attached to them but they bring a different feeling to her, the sense of grand-parents, someone not too young to run around, not too up to speed with technology and internet, not too fast to learn new things but they love her and they offer a warm, soft and tender ambient in the house for her.
So far it is sort of working becasue everyone was prepared to live together and tolerate each-other. My parents are learning how do you live in a canadian house. My daughter is learning to accept more people around. My husband is learning to share me with them.
I am learning to breathe deeper and become more patient.
What I have noticed is that my parents have lived a very simple life...all their life. It is simple in the way they dress up, the way they cook, the way they spend, the way they communicate, the way they take a news...it is simple and plain in all directions.
Not that I have a complicated, complex and extremly busy life, but I try to take as much as I can from every day of my life. When I compare myself with them, I feel pity for my parents.
I feel pity because they do not know how many kind of kitchens are out there, how many ways to cook a chicken, how many tastes you can get from a baking dish comming out of the oven, how many spices you can use with ground beef, how many drinks and mixes can be made, how many kind of nuts are there to use.
I feel pity becasue they do not understand English, becasue was not allowed to be taught when they were young, becasue they are not able to communicate with my daughter and then they get into missunderstandings, becasue they can't watch TV shows that need a more complex vocabulary than what you need to understand a soccer game, becasue they are not able to make friends with people of their age that hang around the park where they go for a walk every day
I feel pity becasue they never had a car and they do not know how to drive one, they are dependend on us to take them to places where they can go and enjoy while we are busy working to pay bills.
I feel pity when I see how a new piece of clothe is taken care of, how nothing gets thrown away, how old things get mendet before the consideration to buy a new one is on table.
I feel pity because there are so many things in the life that they do not even know they exist, they do not even imagine they can touch them, they do not even think they can get there.

Some people say that you are happy until you know that there is something more or better than what you have. Some people say that we all live in boxes and if we find out that the life outside our box is more exciting, we will not be happy and will make our box look miserable.
Should I keep my parents in the box they are? Should I keep them thinking that what they live is all life can offer? Should I go through the trouble to teach my parents internet, facebook, English, driving, cooking differently? Should I .... ?
















Maybe I will make them feel miserable about what they have lived until now, maybe I will make them feel pity of their lives, maybe I will take away from them the joy they feel when I make something for them. Maybe, trying to make their lives more meaningful, colorful, busy and upgraded, I will bring sorrow and pain to them.

What should I do?

From In to Out

Someone told me that I am sexy. I like to hear that while I get older but I know it is not true :)
If I walk on the street and hunky-hunky guy is walking in front of me, I don't believe he will look at me and think "She is so sexy!". I think he will look at me and I will be easy for his eyes, nothing that he hasn't seen before or that he will not see in a short future.
If someone gets to know me, and likes me for how I am, they also start believing that I am sexy and pretty. It is the same me but now this someone knows my voice, my laugh and a bit of my sense of humor.
I really believe that sexy is not on the body shape, is all in attitude and personality. The girls that look sexy, are good to show off their attitude and personality on the way they carry on, on the way they look at the others. A shy person doesn't look sexy under a lot of attention. A person that is always on the center of attention about the looks, doesn't look sexy on a math competition. We all look sexy when we are in our zen, when everything around is what we need to feel comfortable, easy, strong, winner.
So now I know, if I am walking on the street and a hunky is walking in front of me, all I have to do to get his attention is to bring out some attitude and "You can't get me" look...and he will look at me ! Sexy attitude and personality is sexy even when age is not. Yes, young girls are pretty and fresh and smooth skin, but they have long way to go to have personality. At the end, looks like we all have something to feel good about and use on our advantage.

Smell the Fall?

Do you smell the Fall around us? This morning, I woke up and from the barely open window I smelled that cold, fresh, earthy, sweet, crisp, colored in orange, sleep-inviting and love-to-cuddle-under-blanket smell of Autumn. I didn't want to move from bed, just close eyes, pull up the blanket to my nose and pretend I was still sleeping, smelling Fall. Ahhhhh...October is almost here and that is the best month to sleep...did I mentioned I LOVE to sleep?

How to make sleep inviting? A bit of cold, clean sheets with a soft smell of fresh laundry, a pillow that has still room to squish under your head, warm up your cold feet by touching someone with warm flesh beside you, Fall smell and something good to think about inside your head.

When I think of Fall, is all orange and dark redish colored, cooking with pumpkins, smell like cinnamon, dressed up with jackets and driving with the heater turned a bit up, eat chestnuts while watching chick flick movies that make my cry.

Fall begins with my nephew's birthday, then my father, then my daughter, then my wedding anniversary, then 80% of my friends birthdays, then Halloween, then my birthday, then a whole bunch of my cousins birthdays, the Thanksgiving somewhere in between. All this before the horrible mess of Christmass begins is like the calm before the storm. Did I mentioned that Thanksgiving is the only North American holiday that makes sense to me and I actually like to celebrate?

December makes me depressed. If I will ever kill myself, it will be in December. Until then, please let me enjoy the Fall with all it brings to me! Smell deep and Happy Fall!

Master Card Moment

Last week I had a huge Master Card moment.

Airplane ticket =$400 + a lot of aeroplan points
New Dress = $100
New shoes= $80
Being at my cousin's wedding= Priceless

Here I found a funny version of a banned MasterCard advertisment.

But to go back to my moment, I took a last minute decision to go back home and be there on my cousin's wedding. A 4 stops flight with an overnight stop on return.
Almost everyone was there. I hadn't seen some of them in 9 years and was nice to meet again, especially on a wedding where everyone is happy. My cousin, the bride, was really pretty and looked like a princess. Facebook is full of wedding pictures where you can see everyone with hands up on the dance floor, smiling, laughing and laughing a lot to the point that you can count their teeth. Was good to have my brother there as well and make fun with his dance moves. The only one I can't make fun is my dad, he is the best dancer ever, to the point that makes everyone gealous!

At the end, I did spend a lot, I was away from my hubby and kid for a while but it was worth it. If you think about it, life is not just to work, pay bills and do all the chores that we should do. I will forget all the bills I have payed, I will re-do all the chores over and over again, I will go to work again and deal with all the stress there. But there are days like that wedding, that will stay on my memory and heart for a long time, untill my memory will not fail me.

Being around home, had a quick chance to meet a couple of friends too. That was another Mastercard moment, lots of good times and laughes over some good food and wine. Easy talk, smooth and no need to pretend.... that is the feeling of being with old friends.

Had a chance to confirm that for my parents I will always be a kid, no matter how many gray hair I have. Had a chance to confirm that my nephews still recongnize me as their aunt. Had a chance to see my brother one year older than last year. My sister in law feeling good around me and getting closer together.

All in all, last week I was happy. And I do not usually believe in associating the word happy to period's of time longer than hours.

A story from a dead artist

This one is written by Adhurim Lako. He was a writer that didn't want to publish his writings. All his life he has done translations, and those are the only writings he has ever agreed to publish. He passed away on 2006 and some of his friends have collected his stories and have printed a book. To respect his will, they will not publish it. The book will be handed to some of his close friends and they will pass it to others, and so on. To tell the truth I didn't know him until now. I know his brother, Bujar Lako, that is one of the good Albanian actors. Apparently, Adhurim had wanted to be an actor too and he believed that he could have been a better actor than his famos brother. Too bad I heard about him so late, but i am happy that I could get one of his stories. This one here, "The bus", reminds me my childhood. All he says here, brings me back when I was a child and used to get on the bus to go to visit cousins. Later on, I stared taking a bus every morning to go to high school and everything he says here is so real.
Once again, I have to ask forgiveness to my non-Albanian friends for not translating this. His language is very rich and I am affraid I will not be able to bring all the colors of his words in English for you.


Autobusi

Sepse më vinte mirë të rrija ca më gjatë sot në shtrat e të kotesha ndër thellat e kohës. Cm‘u kujtua koh‘e shkuar

Përgjithësisht, unë mëngjeseve ngrihesha në orën 6 dhe, si përshëndetje për ditën e re, merrja ca shqelma prapanicës në Autobusin që më shpinte në punë.

Nuk e di se si, po gjatë rrugëve mendoja ca gjëra të çuditshme; dikush, p.sh. ishte i kënaqur që autobusi ishte plot, ndërsa dikush tjetër ishte i lumtur vetëm nga mendimi se gjendej bashkë me tufën, paçka nga të shtyrat e nga disa të shara që nuk mund t‘i përmend këtu.

Çdo ditë shihja të njëjtat fytyra që kundronin me kureshtje njëri-tjetrin sikur mos ta kishin parë kurrë.

Ka nganjëherë edhe kështu; ja p.sh., një ditë vura re njërin, nuk e di përse ishte aq entuziast, ndoshta ngaqë rrinte pranë shoferit.

Mbaj mend njëherë, dikush më ka thënë se kur doli nga autobusi kishte gjurmën e një take në mëngën e xhaketës, kjo tregon se të udhëtosh nuk është aq e thjeshtë sa pandehet. Megjithatë unë mendoj se ia kam marrë dorën kësaj pune. Edhe sikur të dukej e pamundur hyrja në autobus, përvoja më kish mësuar të gjeja edhe unë një vend aty.

Ndodhte ndonjëherë që xhami i madh anësor të mungonte krejt e atëherë unë përfitoja të ulesha në karrikën pranë tij sepse dihet që njerëzit janë "delikatë" e kanë frikë se mos u ngjallet ndonjë flamë e vjetër. Ç‘është e drejta, unë e paguaja këtë me nja dy-tri ditë kollë e hundë, po të paktën isha i kënaqur se më në fund e bëja një rrugë, i strukur aty më vete, duke parë vetëm pallate ngjyrë gri e me njolla të bardha nga plaçkat e nderura aty-këtu, apo njerëz të kërrusur që nxitonin drejt vendeve të punës, e thosha me vete se ky dekor nuk ka për të ndryshuar kurrë, në jetë të jetëve.

Mua më pëlqen shumë të fle. Atëherë kuptohet se sa e vështirë është të çoheshe në një orë kaq të shpejtë e të ngisje pas autobusit sikur kjo të ishte vendimtare për jetën tënde. Rastiste që edhe të mos hipje dot! Atëherë, të them të drejtën, nuk ndjehesha mirë, sepse shihja që përtej xhamave më vështronin të gjithë ata që kishin mundur të hipin, e në një mënyrë sikur të kisha bërë ndonjë faj të rëndë!

Eh, sa vjet kanë shkuar! Megjithatë, erdhi një çast e sikur ndryshoi pak. Erdhën ca autobusë të rinj dhe sepse ndjeheshe i ngushëlluar për diçka të pakuptueshme. Në fillim, njerëzit kishin mjaft frikë pej tyre. Porsa hipnin, përpiqeshin të ishin të shkujdesur sikur nuk kishte ndodhur gjë, megjithatë e përshëndesnin njeri-tjetrin sikur të ishin përpara eprorëve të tyre.

Epo, kjo kohë kaloi shumë shpejt dhe autobusi i ri dhe i bukur, i ardhur nga larg, u kthye në një karakatinë dhe njerëzit hipnin si më parë në to, pa çarë kokën më për frikën e dikurshme. Prapë britmat dhe zëniet morën hov, e u shtuan ca më tepër, se dihet që hallet e njerëzve nuk kanë të sosur. Ndodhte nganjëherë të shihje tek mbylleshin dyert e fuqishme e të mbetej jashtë tyre ndonjë çantë e panjohur që përpiqej majtas e djathtas të tërhiqte me zor pas saj të zotin a të zonjën.

Nganjëherë mendoja se do të ishte më mirë të blija një biçikletë, po ç‘është e drejta, biçikleta nuk e di se si, … po edhe me të nuk i kam punët mirë, ndofta ngaqë kam mësuar shumë vonë ta ngas dhe; po sikur të më prishej? Nga do t‘ia mbaja unë i ziu me këto pak njohuri që kam mbi mekanikën? Shpesh më ndodhte të shihja me habi disa njerëz që e kishin përdorur për një kohë të gjatë. Rastisi që iu qava një mikut tim për këtë hall dhe ai u zotua se do t‘më ndihmonte në çdo avari që do t‘mund të më ndodhte.

Eh! Endërra të shkuara!

Unë prapë vazhdoj të udhëtoj me autobus duke kënduar me vete i përgjumur; "Love, love me do".

My Master

I was trying to figure out what is the male version of Mistress, and I found is Master?!! Sort of too much for what the Master is used nowadays, very far from what Mistress is used for. But anyway, this is not what I want to write about, is rather about my master, the one that I open my heart and let my self show everything. Is the one that knows very well how I feel, who do I miss, what do I want, when I need attention, where do I want to rather be. Is the one that has seen me mad, sad, glad, happy, angry, crying, smiling, laughing, singing, talking, planning, expecting, dreaming. Is the one that knows by name everyone around me and how I connect with them, how much each of them means to me, who would I want to have beside me. Is the one that has seen me dressed up, in old clothes, all makeup done, skin out of control, early in the morning, late at night, cold snow day, hot summer heat, sweating and stinky, smelling like a rose, curly and wet, straight and dry, full of energy, tired, touching the sky, lost without hope.

I only wish that was a human. It is my car!

Is my beautiful car that all asks from me is gas, service check three times a year, clean when I feel like and windshield fluid. Has a huge room for me and everyone I want to take for ride. Is flexible and can lower the back seats to make room for stuff that I decide to buy. Plays any song I want to hear, tells me all the news about the World, takes me everywhere I want to go, whenever I want to go and never complains that is tired of me. Waits for me outside the door and winks every time I push a button. Can blow cold or hot air to keep me comfortable. Can adjust the seat to fit better to the height of the heels I am wearing. It can also warm the seat on winter days! Never tells me that my singing sucks. Never eats my groceries that I load into it. Listens to everything I say just like a psychiatrist without judging me, just accepting me for who I am. I say everything to my car, EVERYTHING! Nobody knows more about me than that car. And still comes with me everywhere I want to go, doesn't complain about my mood swings, doesn't tell to other cars about me and always shows the correct time. I really LOVE my car, my Master! I only wish it was a human.

After MJ

Michael Jackson died on June 25, 2009. I first heard it on the radio driving home back from work. I remember that I said loud "Whaatt???" And then after a second I thought, "Well, he has aboused his body a lot, consistently. So many discussions about him in the last days. So many people remember the baby dangling from balcony, the little boys saying they were harrased by him, mothers saying he took their boys in his bedroom, all the crazy medical changes he did to his face and body, so many stories about his messed up childhood, and so on and so on. But a lot other people remember his music, his videos, his dance moves, his Neverland dream house. There are a lot of people that till yesterday didn't like him but now that he is dead are trying to be nice and value his music as they have no face to say any other good word about him.

So, in a nutshell, now that he is dead, everyone agrees that he is the greatest pop song maker-singer-dancer-video_maker-concert_coreographer, of the last 50 years.

He was 50, would have been 51 in a couple of months. Had a severe heart attack and his doctor is being asked a lot of questions and is put under magnifying glass for all his actions. Lately the radios were not broadcasting his music often but these last days you hear nothing but his songs. Just a couple of months ago I bought one of his Best Hits CD and my husband said "Why do you support that child molester?" I felt sort of weird to listen his CD so i kept the windows of my car up when listen and sang along. Just like everyone, I can't deny his wonderful music, the revolution he brought to music, music videos and dance. He was a real artist, original, multi-dimensinal and progressive. Do I think he was a child molester? Not really. I think he was a big child grown on a man's body. He didn't have a proper childhood. His most comfortable place was stage, singing and dancing.He was raised with lots of money that he never new what it meant not to be able to have something he liked. He was the real Peter Pan, that even thought the years go by, he keeps staing a little boy in the heart and mind. So if he really had little boys in his bedroom, if he really played with little boys in his house, I think he played just like a 12 years old boy would play when his friends are over at his place. All those mothers behind thouse court cases, are now rich and they do not feel guilty to have left their little boys in his bedroom.

I will miss his un-made music. I really wanted him to come back with a smash hit album and show the middle finger to all those people that talked bad about him but would go and download his music becasue they would be embarrased to go and buy the CD at the store. I so wanted to hear more from him, now, at my age. All I remember is his music when I was a teenager. Now I would have gone to a live concert and sing along with him. Would have been awsome, just like all his live concerts. I so wanted to hear new music that would have showd to Beyonce and Britney Spears how the real music is done without shaking the butt and showing the boobs. So, I will miss him.
Everyone will come up with a new version of his songs just like Chris Cornell, Fall Out boys, Akon, etc.
What does a guy have to do to be celebrated for his talent? He must DIE! And if he hadn't gone on those courts, he would have been buried like Elvis Presley, in tears and in pure desperation.
Rest in Peace wherever you are having dinner tonight!

Stories from '80

Storie Di Tutti I Giorni : (M.Fabrizio/G.Morra/R.Fogli) Storie di tutti i giorni, vecchi discorsi sempre da fare, storie ferme sulle panchine in attesa di un lieto fine; storie di noi brava gente che fa fatica, s'innamora con niente, vita di sempre, ma in mente grandi idee. Un giorno in più che se ne va un orologio fermo da un'eternità per tutti quelli così come noi da sempre in corsa, sempre a metà; un giorno in più che passa, ormai, con questo amore che non è grande come vorrei. Storie come amici perduti che cambiano strada, se li saluti; storie che non fanno rumore come una stanza chiusa a chiave; storie che non hanno futuro, come un piccolo punto su un grande muro dove scriverci un rigo a una donna che non c'è più. Un giorno in più che se ne va, un uomo stanco che nessuno ascolterà per tutti quelli così come noi senza trionfi, né grossi guai; un giorno in più che passa ,ormai, con questo amore che non è bello come vorrei. Storie come anelli di fumo in un posto lontano, senza nessuno solo una notte che non finisce mai. Un giorno in più che se ne va dimenticato fra i rumori di città, per tutti quelli come noi niente è cambiato e niente cambierà; un giorno in più che passa ormai con questo amore che non è forte come vorrei.

Everyday Stories : (M.Fabrizio/G.Morra/R.Fogli) Everyday stories Old conversations always to do Stories closed on benches Waiting for a happy ending Stories of brave people like us That get tired, fall in love with nothing, Normal life, but in mind have big ideas One more day that passes by One clock stopped by an eternity For everyone that is just like us Always in rush, always in half One more day that passes by now With this love that is not as big as I would want it Stories like lost friends That change way if you greet Stories that do not make rumors Like a room locked with a key Stories that do not have a future Like a little dot in a big wall Where you would write a line To a woman that no longer is here One more day that passes One tired man that no one will listen to For all of them just like us Without triumphs or big messes One more day that passes by now With this love that is not as pretty as I would want it Stories like smoke rings In a place far away, with nobody Only one night that never ends One more day that passes Forgotten within the rumors of the city For all of them like us Nothing is changed and nothing will One more day that passes by now With this love that is not as strong as I would want it

Long distance family

Last week I was invited on Facebook by my cousin on her wedding. Today a friend of mine told me that my cousin he meet on Facebook told him that my uncle has passed away 2 days ago. I called my home and my dad confirmed, the funeral was done.
Being so far from home, I thought I miss the good times like weddings or my cousins getting together on a week-long trip at the sea-side. I so wanted to be there and have fun with them, dance, sing, drink ..all the things that people do on weddings and girls-only-trips.
But today I was reminded that I am missing also the sad days, like funerals. Three years ago my aunt changed life. Hearing that she passed away for sure was a bad news. I was sad and I did try to be as close as I could to my mom on the phone. But being so far, not meeting her regularly, not being close to what she was doing and how she was feeling lately, I did not suffer as much. She can very well be still alive for what I am concerned. I didn't see her laying on a tomb, I do not miss calling someone, I do not remember on what day she passed away. Not long after her, her husband passed away as well. I felt the same. I have the feeling it will be same with my uncle. I am sad he is gone, I am sad to hear that today was his funeral and I didn't even know, I am sad to know that his daughter that lives not far from me arrived late and didn't make it to be in the funeral, I am sad to know that my dad lost a brother. Both my uncle and my aunt are people that are (eventhough in small portions) somehow responsible for who I am today. They have been very close to me when I was a child. They have given me moments that only uncles and aunts can give. My aunt used to always have a chocolate for me. My uncle used to always make beach sandals every summer when I went on vacation. He used to make nail polish too, with some weird liquids he always had on his desk at work. My aunt always used to visit me at the summer kids camp and take me out for a good lunch. Her husband had a motorbike and he used to take me for rides.
I am sad. I am scared. I am worried. I feel I am becoming a "cold North American" person. I feel this kind of life is sucking me and my energy. I am loosing reality of who is alive. I am becoming a movie character for my family and they are for me the people that know all about me without questions. I used to be part of them. Now I have become a Moon, goes around them but stays far from them. I am not part of their bad days but we talk on the phone. I am not part of their good days but I see the pictures from those days. And I am not on those pictures.

A poetry in my language

I started chating on FB with this artist from Macedonia, but speaks Albanian. It is really good, to hear in my language again, words expressing different feelings. Living here for 9 years now, English has become the language I dream in. Althought I am improving more and more, a lot of things do not have the sense they must have. I can swear or be sweared, I can love and be loved, I can hate and be hated, I can adore and be adored but is all in the logical sense. I translate the words and get what the other person is trying to say to me. I do not get the heart of the other person and I do not put my heart on what I say. Is almost like righting a math excercise, or like completing a document from government.

And now I am chating in my language again. Things make sense, words have feelings, feelings have colours. It is amazing how good it feels when the conversation is colorful and sensitive.

So I asked my artist friend to recite a poetry for me. And althought reciting in chat does not make the same effect as hearing someone reciting, the poetry gave me goose bumps. A bit "customized" here it is. And I really apologize to all my English speaking friends, but I will not transalte this one. Just like I said, if I translate it in English, I will take away the sense, the feelings and the colours from it. I will replace my name with "My land".

Nga Ali Podrimja

zgjohu, My land! zgjohu, nena ime e dashur,

balli dhe emri im i shkelur,

zgjohu, oj! a po e ndjen vajin tim?

a po sheh si t'i kam ngulur syte

mu ne zemer, mu ne shpirt,

si t'i kam hedhur duart rreth belit

për te perqafuar une, ashti yt?

zgjohu, My land!

nga deget e tua te thyera kush po bahet,

kete vater kush po e le?

Ç'janë keto gjurme gjaku qe po shtohen

neper fytyren tende,

keto varre e murana qe po sillen vërdalle

rreth shtepise sime?...

zgjohu, My land! zgjohu, nena ime e dashur,

balli dhe emri im i shkelur,

zgjohu, My land!...

sonte vetem mbeta e

ne dere t'oborrit askush me s'po me troket,

askush me, thua vdekur jam e harruar

ne keto troje e suka gjaku.

thua me eshte e shkrimbur hisja

e mbyllur dera e konakut...

zgjohu, My land, flake e hershme e ashtit tim

t'pelcitur.

bota në ty le te kallet!

Age and friends

Lately I have found myself more than once in situations where I got hurt from or I have hurt someone I have considered close friend. These are people that I have spent time with, shared something of me, listen something from them and promised will not be shared with someone else, sent hundreds of emails and make myself believe that I have a special bond with them. And just when I thought that I do not need to prove myself anymore toward these people, when I thought that I don't have to be extra careful on picking the words I choose when I talk with these people, when I thought that I have found a place in the universe where I can be me and they can be them... something out of the blue happens and all these things have a big question mark beside.
Sometimes, just because you are hanging out with someone, you automatically have created some anger/ enemy to someone else, because that someone else has issues with the one you are hanging out. Sometimes, just by non saying bad things about someone, you break the relation with someone else that has issues with that other one. All of a sudden, you are in the center of a drama. Two people that have issues with each-other, associate you with the other person. And all you have done is try to be neutral and not pick any side.
Some people like to think they are smart and well brought up that they do not need to learn anything anymore. Some others think that they need to learn a lot and need to get more matured. Some people like to consider themselves invincible, some people like to consider themselves victims.
With so much going on at my work and at my life, I am trying to find time to invest on new friendships, on new people, on new experiences that will help me in a way or another to fight the stress, to feel better about myself, to feel better for being there for someone, to think that I am maybe helping someone in a way. But if at the end of this investment I find myself hurting or being hurt, then I start questioning my ability to be sharp to find the right person to invest to. I have already created jealousies, enemies and all sort of rumors about myself for trying to invest on these people and the result is a big headache, a failure. Is almost like an economic failure in big proportions.
So what to do? All I do is try to explain myself and make sure that the other person knows I did not have bad intentions.
What do I learn? I believe is it hard to make new friends in an older age. We are not capable to see someone without interests and benefits anymore, like children do. Children are friends because they like to play together, because they enjoy each-others company, because they all make silly jokes and all laugh with them, because when someone is crying the other one goes and gives a hug to show the support, because once they get a hug, things are forgiven and forgotten.
I want to be a child again and be able to find friends like that. I want to find friends that I can be me, just the way I am.

Do you want to be my friend?

We real cool

WE REAL COOL
by Gwendolyn Brooks

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

February was a mess

Didn't write at all last month. I just didn't realize where last month went, when did it start and when did it finish. I almost forgot the birthday of my friend and I did forget the birthday of my nephew. All because I had lots to do at home, at work, on the phone, on my brain, on emails.
Lots of people lost their job at my work. We, left behind, were dumped all the work they were doing. Also we needed a re-org. I had to remind some people that I had been asking to change position for a while and now seemed like the perfect time. At the time this position was offered, I was also asked to start a new job at my husbands work. Didn't like it after I found out what I had to do so, I accepted the position at my current job. The trick is that I had to close my current position and I was loaded with a couple of projects. Had to work a couple of weekends to put things in place. In the middle of all this, I learned that a good friend of mine has no idea how job gets done by a developer and a product manager. We had a fight, things were said, job is being done, friendship had a crack. Week after next I begin my new job. Moving from one pot of hot water to another pot of hot water.
At home I am adding a new bathroom. Needed a plumber, an interior drywall and tile guy. Found them. The plumber nothing to be too impressed about but the other guy is awesome. That is the kind of husband I would have wanted to have. Because he is doing good job, I think I will do some other renos at home. I had to shop around for tiles, tub, vanity and stuff. Drove a pickup truck couple of times. Made me feel like a Southern girl, just had to change the accent.
Watched some good movies, "Revolutionary road", "Slumdog millionaire", "The reader", "Valkyrie". Kate Winslet got the Oscar for best actress on "The reader". After watching the movie, not sure was deserved. "Slumdog millionaire" got more Oscars than other movies and Sean Penn said "You commy, hommo lovers" twice when he got his Oscar for best actor.
Somehow lost my track on exercising and I feel like I am going back on having a saggy belly. Perfect! Right now that the spring is trying to come and girls will start showing off their flat bellies and good skin.
A little girl named Sophia was born.
Obama visited Canada without a hat or gloves.
Played chess with a guy that has been winning for 10 years. He played against me and his son. We won and was a miracle!
The new quote I liked "Your credit card company, knows 2 years ahead about your divorce".

After all, if I go back and think about everything, this was the kind of month I would like to have. Be busy, have things to do and no time to think of stupid things. Was a mess, but sort of colorful.

Friendships, Flowers and Fights in French

A LA CLAIRE FONTAINE Chant traditionnel À la claire fontaine M'en allant promener J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle Que je m'y suis baigné Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai Sous les feuilles d'un chêne Je me suis fait sécher Sur la plus haute branche Un rossignol chantait Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai Chante rossignol chante Toi qui as le cœur gai Tu as le cœur à rire Moi je l'ai à pleurer Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai J'ai perdu mon amie Sans l'avoir mérité Pour un bouton de roses Que je lui refusai Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai Je voudrais que la rose Fut encore au rosier Et que mon douce ami fût encore à m’aimer Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai À la claire fontaine M'en allant promener J'ai trouvé l'eau si belle Que je m'y suis baigné Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai

AT THE CLEAR FOUNTAIN Traditional song At the clear fountain I went for a walk The water was so nice That I took a bathe I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you Under the leaves of an oak I dried myself On the highest branch a nightingale was singing I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you Sing nightingale sing You with a gay heart Your heart feels like laughing Mine feels like crying I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you I lost my fried Without deserving it For a bunch of roses That I refused from him I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you I would love that the rose be still on the bush And that my sweet friend be still loving me I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you At the clear fountain I went for a walk The water was so nice That I took a bathe I've been loving you for so long I will never forget you

Because there is someone

Yesterday, a friend called me. The friend told me that I should join Facebook so that we can stay in touch and share what we are doing. Then the friend told me "Bye and stay intelligent". It is nice to have phone calls like that. In a busy day, with so much going on, bad economy, lots of snow, very cold weather, hot gossips, elbow pushes...it is so soothing to hear that someone cares about you, that someone wants to know what are you eating (that's what you write on Facebook, right?!), that someone thinks you are intelligent and should stay like that.
It reminded me this song that I always loved. Is in Albanian and my mom always was puzzled on why do I like it. Well, here mom, on days like that, I like this song.
Thanks for calling :)

Nuk kerkoj tjeter njeri (Elton Deda) Kam kohe pa e pare,nuk di ku do jete, at vjeshte te brishte dhe zerin e saj si kristal... mes zerave te dimrit, mundohem ti flas as vet nuk e di, pse lodhem ta gjej, ende ndjej, ndonese ka shume akull mes nesh. kjo vjeshte e heshtur, dimrin se fsheh. refreni se dielli ndricon prape dhe shiu pushon, nuk di zemra e saj,nga dhimbja renkon, gjithshka do ta falja qe hapat e saj,te trokisnin prape te une(te une) ende syte e tu,kane ca lote te pathare si fshin dot e dashur,ndonse jemi larg... dhe kurre mos mendo,vetem,sje ne kte bote sepse ti ke nje njeri...qe te do as vete nuk e di,pse lodhem ta gjej ende ndjej,ndonese ka shum akull mes nesh kjo vjesht e heshtur,dimrin se fsheh... refreni ne zemren time,dimri dhe vjeshta me thone per ty jo mos kerko tjeter njeri se dielli ndricon prap dhe shiu pushon nuk di zemra e saj,nga dhimbja renkon dhe kurr mos mendo,vetem,sje ne kte bote sepse ti ke nje njeri...qe te do

Not looking for someone else (Elton Deda) Long time I haven't seen her, don't know where she is that fragile Fall and her crystal voice within Winter voices, to her I'm trying to talk I just don't know why, I try to find her still feel, even tho' there is lots of ice between us this silent Fall, can't hide the Winter Chorus The Sun will shine again and the rain will stop, don't know if her heart still suffers from the pain, I would give everything so her steps would knock at my door again There are still tears in your eyes and baby you can't wipe them, even when we are far apart... but never think you are alone in this World because there is someone out there that loves you I just don't know why, I try to find her still feel, even tho' there is lost of ice between us this silent Fall, can't hide the Winter Chorus Deep in my heart, Winter and Fall tell me not to look for someone else anymore

Copy-Paste

I do not usually do this but I am not good on explaining or having a smart opinion on Economic-Financial problems. So, for the first time, I will copy-paste here an article from Forbes. It explained why girls used to wear as little clothes as possible at my country while I was trying to finish University and start in my professional life. I could not compete with those girls even after I moved to Canada. My dressing was always on the conservative side. I like also the analysis of what factors to look for to start feeling optimist or pessimist about the future. Enjoy!

What your social life says about the economy
by David K. Randall and Jon Bruner, Forbes.com
Tuesday, December 30, 2008 provided by forbes

How does an economic slowdown affect day-to-day tasks like deciding what to wear, what to listen to and what to eat? Those questions are the driving force behind what's known as social economic indicators.

The most famous social indicator is the hemline index, developed in the 1920s by George Taylor, an economist at the Wharton School, which showed that the length of dresses increased when the economy slowed.



Recent studies have purported to show that the tempo of popular songs slows, that beer and pasta sales increase, and that Playboy's Playmate of the Year tends to be older and heavier during bad economies.

But these indicators are of little value if you're wondering where the economy is going. Instead, they're a much better sign of where the economy has been.

“The problem with these metrics is that people will continue to feel bad into an expansion,” says David Kelly, the chief market strategist for J.P. Morgan Funds.

Kurt Karl, the chief economist for Swiss Re, agreed, saying, “There are many spurious connections that can last for a little while, but there's no social indicator with any common sense underpinning to it.”

The lag between economic expansion and the time those gains are felt through the wide economy can last between a few months to over a year, experts say. Consumers spooked by a layoff may be more careful about their spending in the future even if they find employment again, for instance.

That will push the Consumer Confidence Index down. Or, there may be other reasons why growth is overshadowed. The S&P 500 grew almost 30 per cent during the Carter Administration, but inflation and the Iran hostage crisis contributed to widespread unhappiness.

Consumers can also feel good about an economy that's slowing or a bubble that's bursting. A&E launched its show Flip This House in the midst of the housing bubble, which contributed to a widespread idea that it was easy to improve and resell a house for a quick buck well into the declining housing market. Some of the biggest failures from the dot-com bust were the result of overeager investors bidding up shares for no reason other than exuberance.

All of this means that the latest consumer confidence numbers don't necessarily portend an extension of the downturn. The University of Michigan's index of consumer confidence dropped to its lowest level since 1980 in November, but that most likely reflects bad news from the last month or two rather than prospects for the near future.

Other types of social indicators like divorce rates, fertility rates and drug crimes are of little value in determining growth as well, according to a 1998 study by Johannes Fedderke and Robert Klitgaard in Economic Development and Cultural Change, a journal published by the University of Chicago. The study, which looked at over 25 countries, found that the chief social indicators that go along with economic growth are strong individual rights, political stability and efficient government institutions.

What cultural clues should we look for to know that we're once again in a period of growth? Advertising is one. If marketers think that they can sell more products by emphasizing fun or luxury rather than value, they expect that those moods have a greater cultural relevance and will thus lead to more sales.

Popular car sales is another. While vehicle sales is a standard metric for economists to gauge the health of the economy, the specific type of vehicles sold often reflects the national mood. Sales of small, fuel-efficient cars typically make up a greater proportion of overall sales during downturns, while larger vehicles or luxury models do better during times of growth.

But given its track record, maybe we should look to A&E. Once it starts broadcasting Makin' Do With What You Have, we'll know we're in a period of growth.