Kite runner

A friend of mine has been telling me for a long time to read this book. I value his opinion on these matters so I would have read this book but lately I haven't had any chance to read anything that is not related to my work and the project I am working on like a donkey. Browsing the TV tonight, I found that this movie was showing. Didn't catch it from beginning but was early enough for the story to make sense and be linked. At the end, I give two thumbs up. Wonderful story, one of those that stay with you, in your mind late after the movie is over and you are confused with a couple of bright-colorful-happy advertisements about good products being sold in North America. Is a powerful story that, although I am not from that part of the World, I understand how it works and what is respected, by choice or not. It is refreshing to read how life is seen from that side of the fence. All we hear is the story that media gives to us. Can be American media or European one, it doesn't matter. The voice of the people from Afghanistan is rarely heard and taken seriously. Even the guy that helped him from Pakistan, represents a whole country that is not taken with respect and right attention. It is almost as calling someone mother f@#&^$ if you call them Paki, and yet again, he was human and put himself in trouble. One other thing that this movie brings is the way the new generation of the people from these countries, is changing and how they are looking at things with more tolerance. The old generation represented by their parents at the end of the movie falls down, all that "Keep your head up", "Don't embarrass the family", "Respect older man".... all these big words and "lessons for life", are all a big bubble that is not what it seems. The new generation is between these "rules" put in front of them from their families and the other open-kind of life seen around them from other people in North America.

Before and After a gift

Maybe I'm writing this too soon and it would be wiser if I wait a little longer to understand what is going on but I just feel like I have to get this garbage out of my mind and chest. At the end, that's why I have opened this blog for!





So we all have been in the circumstances when a special friend or family member has the birthday coming soon and you put some thoughts to find a gift that doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful, nice and will bring a smile on their face. And sometimes you do actually get an idea on what it will be and you feel good about it! Depending on what it is, you arrange it so they get it on time. There are two parts on the gift, the Giving part and the Receiving part. So in this case you are the Giving part. You Give your idea wrapped with whatever took to deliver it (it can be hand work, time, money, material, etc). They Receive your idea but might actually not notice the wrapping. And if you notice that the wrapping is taken for granted, then you expect at least the gift itself to turn on some smiles and "Thank you"'s, hoping that the person at least will mean some of it. We all know that the gifts we get are usually useless but at least we all say "Waw, this is great!! Thank you so much" and stuff like that to make the Giving part feel appreciated and good about what they did.
So if you have done all what the Giving part should do but was not in person, face-to-face because of the circumstances, you at least expect an e-mail or some sort of message to tell you that the Receiving part did get the gift, did open the gift and did 'like' the gift. But what you get is actually a message that has nothing to do about your wrapping or your gift, nothing, nada, zip! The message is about how nice the day was and how the others have called them to wish them happy birthday and how much they liked that!
So today I learned something new and actually helpful: Do not spend time, energy or anything to wish someone's Happy Birthday! All you have to do is to have their number on your phone and give a ring sometime during the day! That will be considered a nice surprise, you will hear the "Waw", maybe a fake one but you will hear them say it. And everyone will be happy! Yep! that's it!
Again, because this was not face-to-face but all by e-mail, things are not very clear on what happened. I do not think that is all finished here or I will not hear something about what I did. What makes me write this is that I am not hearing that today. It will come later and will be explained why and I might change my mind and feel better but right now, is good that we are not face-to-face. Is sort of a test for how can I handle cases that make me angry in a modern, cold blood, non emotional and business like manner. I am growing every day :)

Old friends

Today went out with some friends, all of them old friends. We know each-other for about 15 years now, so yes we are old friends. I am very close with two of them but one of them is not much in touch with us. 15 years ago, i used to be a very naive and shy girl, much more than now. In these 15 years i have changed a lot, but this friend doesn't know the new me very well now. So today, while talking, I noticed that he was surprised about somethings about me that I do consider now very normal and very common. In a way it pissed me off the fact that he remembers me like that girl 15 years ago, he doesn't know how much I have done, how strong I am now, maybe stronger than him.
It reminded me an episode from "Gray's Anatomy", where at the end she said " I am the chief of surgeons in a huge hospital and he still considers me like that shy girl from high school". felt the same for me today. It feels strange that I wanted to tell him how different I am and change the image of me in his head, but it is not easy, and maybe not worth it.
So, anyway, old friends are good, but it is better when you are often in touch with them, when you grow together.

My new country

I'm a little late on writing about this, I'm sure my friends are a little disappointed probably. But I gave myself some time in order to calm down, to see how my hot blooded thinking will pull in the wrong or right set of words to express myself.
So, most of the people that read my blog are my friends and they all know that I'm Albanian. Albania is a small country in Europe that sometime before the end of the 14-th century used to be bigger and had as part of it what is called now Kosovo. After a long time of Kosovo being under Serbs, people of Kosovo being abused, de-rooted, genocide and killed in masses, finally Kosovo has declared independence. They finally have some "big" guys to protect them while they watch their biggest dream for centuries coming true. These people are raised to hate Serbs, are grown up to be Albanian and never mix their language with Serbian, to be proud of their history and never forget who they really are. If they didn't have the big guys, Serbs would have killed them in cold blood and make sure that everyone around gets a different version of the real story, same as they did 10 years ago when they killed 10 thousand of them but never mention this on their protests against the "big guys" that are protecting Kosovo now.
It is amazing to see how other countries interest's are touched by this. Canada is scared that Quebec will do the same too. I understand Russia's and China's fear. They are like Serbs, rather kill the people than leave them free in their own old countries. But Canada and Quebec??? People in Kosovo have been KILLED from Serbs. People in Quebec have better life than the rest of Canada, they pay much less for their day-cares, schools, housing, etc. How in Earth can you compare these countries, their issues and their need for independence? Just 10 years ago, Serbs killed kids in the womb, cut nipples of pregnant women so they would not be able to breastfeed the children, executed in row dozens of men just like Hitler did with Jews 50 years before. But on the Serbs schools, Serb kids learn that NATO came and forced the Serbs out of Kosovo 10 years ago and they are the enemy. Just like in centuries, Serbs are following their way of dealing with the history facts : " Lie, lie and lie some more and people will forget what is the truth and will believe the lies!!"
Now I do not like Mr. President I think he is pretty dumb, but I have to shake his hand on what he did here and say "Thank you!". I am very happy about this independence. I don't think that Kosovo and Albania will ever get together and make the big Albania like it used to be 500 years ago. We are like twins raised in different families, brothers but not best bodies to hang out. Still, I'm happy they are free now and wish them a long free run. Just one thing ..... hmmm.. i don't really like their new flag :(

Let it snow

I DID THIS MOUNTAIN


Last week the snow just fell and fell. This white mountain of snow is my art work while I shoveled my driveway. You can see how the little tree is all covered in snow. And after this day, it snowed again and again. There is no more room where to put the snow on my front yard. we do throw some on the street with the hope that some cars moving by will take care of it getting away.
I was thinking, since we have so much snow that we don't want, but up on North there are a lot of Polar Bears that need snow, why don't we send some snow there? Pour guys, will be so happy to have some snow and we will have more room here for the new snow. ... good idea right... and then someone told me that our snow is polluted and if it goes there it will pollute the clean North Pole. ... kind of makes sense. So we have to deal with the pollution and the snow while Polar Bears are on a clean and snowless place. What do you choose, have a lot of something even if it's polluted or a little of it and worried that will go away soon, but clean and pristine ?
Personally, I would choose the last one, so I would like to be a Polar Bear in search of clean snow, enjoy all the purity of it, raise my cubs in this clean and fresh place and altho' I know it will go soon, my new days will have a good memory of the old days, my cubs will grow up having a good childhood. Nothing is clean and pure anymore, or better not for long, so if you find, smell, touch something clean and pristine, give it a big hug, a deep breath, a good look and enjoy it for as long as it lasts. All will be left is memories, nice memories :)

Confidence

I like to believe that I am a strong woman. I have married a guy that when we first started dating, he was making less money than me, had a very low self confidence, bad taste on clothes, low expectations regarding future, not articulated. But he was cute, he loved me the best he could, he gave me the feeling that he will be there for me and will never let me down, he will love me always and ... and I would make my mom happy by getting married. Years after living with him, teaching him, directing him, talking to him, he has become very confident, wants to wear expensive clothes, drive expensive cars, has eyes on becoming a manager pretty soon and is a proud father of a wonderful little girl. He has changed so much that yesterday he actually said to me "you lack on communication skills and that's why you have problems at work and you will never be a manager". Now, my problems at work, was just a gut feeling that I decided to tell him out of opening a conversation. I have this feeling that my job will end soon and I do not see much open options that I would like to jump for. I was shocked, terrified and surprised! He has changed but he has left me behind. He has taken the best of me and now is using it against me to tell me that I am the one that needs improvement!! God, I want to tell him the right thing that would be very much into the swearing side, but, maybe he is right! Maybe I do have a problem with the way I communicate with people. I know that I come from "hot blood" predecessors but I do believe that I'm nice and that people around do get me. Gosh, maybe I am wrong and I have to work on my communication skills. I feel like and HR victim. I never trusted these kind of trainings offered by HR on telling us how to communicate but maybe I do need that! Maybe I do need a structure on the way I present my self and my ideas, how I bring problems across and how I ask what I ask. We need to keep learning every day, keep changing and hope that it will improve us.

So much dust

I haven't put down much writing lately on this blog. It's not that I have started another one but I have found another place to write my thoughts, to unload the garbage in my head. I have a new friend. He is not the normal guy you would meet on a Canadian bar. He is not Canadian and has been through some interesting steps in his life. Just like when you meet someone new, there are a lot to share, to learn about the past. And that's how I have been letting my thoughts out of my fingers into the keyboard. I am really enjoying this , I like to meet people that have things to say. But... there is always a but. My but is why do I do this? Why do I find it interesting to meet new people, why do I look for to meet new people? I guess, we are all under the expectation that once we get married, all we need around is our families and our spouses. Making new friends, especially from the other gender, is seen as a sign of "cheating". Now cheating is a hard word and I do not like it. Where does it start and where does it end? What is the minimal thing we have to do to be considered as "cheating"? The fact that someone else is offering something we like to take, something we do not get it from the other already established sources and resources, means that we are surrounded by people that do not offer all what we need. I know we have families, friends, spouses, children but sometimes relations just get in a "status quo" and in order to keep moving and not fall under the everyday depression, you need new input, new ideas, new stories, new words, new points of view. Would be really boring and dull to just be happy with what you have. I do enjoy and evaluate what I have but I feel un-complete when I face a new idea, new input and I am hungry for that. I want it! Why does this looks like a sign of cheating? Lately I was reading about one of the Oprah's shows where the theme was cheating. The smart psychiatrist that Oprah has always there to give the right advice said: " We should feel offended if someone makes us a compliments knowing that we are married"... maybe was "a sexual compliment", don't remember very well the details. And that didn't fall well in my stomach. This is such a Conservative -Catholic -American oriented psychology. I am not sure but I believe that elsewhere, the psychiatrists would say different things, not so closed-in-the-box and well labeled with the stamp of the betray. I believe only people that are not confident in their relationships, that fear that their spouses will leave them, that want to keep beside them people that do not want to stay with them....only these people like this psychology, promote this way of thinking.